52. The Introvert-Friendly Way to Be Visible and Stay True to Yourself

Suppose you’re an introvert and quiet achiever, looking to grow your influence and capacity in your workplace or business.

Scenario 1:

You know you’re good at what you do, and your colleagues all agree you’re the indispensable team member who gets things done. But you’re tired of waiting in the wings to be noticed. You want more people to recognize that you have good ideas and leadership skills and the capacity to take on a bigger role in your organization.

How do you do that?

Scenario 2:

You have an idea that can help improve people’s wellbeing, or the skills to help them build strong, healthy, and nurturing relationships with their partners and children, or find more inner peace and fulfillment when going through challenges.

How do you do that?

Tune in to find out all about the new program I’m launching to help introverted professionals and business owners be seen, heard, and known in ways that feel authentic and sustainable, so you can FINALLY fully and confidently express yourself – without pretending to be someone you’re not.

Class starts end June.

Link to join The Visible Introvert Academy is here.

If you enjoyed this episode, remember to give it a 5-star rating on whichever platform you listen from, so The Quiet Warrior Podcast can reach more introverts around the world!

This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, I'm Serena Loh. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with the calm, introspective and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique and powerful about being an introvert, and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible. Welcome.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Today I want to talk about the Visible Introvert Academy that is starting in June. So this program is for introverted professional women who are looking to be more visible. What do I mean by being more visible? Now, as quiet achievers and people used to being called introverts or calling ourselves shy, perhaps we're socially anxious? Perhaps we're just wired this way. We've been conditioned to stay in the background, to be the good girl, to not speak unless spoken to, to not speak up unless we feel very confident and very ready, and only if we feel that we have the right ideas or we have something to say. That is incredible, and we're very sure of the value of that.

Speaker 1: 1:31

Now, the problem with this is that introverts have a tendency and I say this from personal experience as well as numerous conversations with fellow introverts. We have a tendency to overthink it, and so what could happen in a meeting is something like this Somebody says something perhaps it's the leader of the meeting, the facilitator and asks for views, and we want a little bit of time to think about it before we speak. But the problem is the way most meetings run. There isn't always someone who says you, you know, let's take a few seconds to think through this before we ask people for their views. It's more like what do you think? And then it's almost like the balls in your court and you have to say something.

Speaker 1: 2:15

There is an obligation, and the first person to speak usually makes the most impression, and so the first few people who speak then create this unintended impression that they know more than others, that they are quick thinkers, that they came prepared, that they have something valuable to offer and that what they say is true or wise or correct. And actually that is just an appearance, it's just a fallacy. It's something in our brain that assumes things of other people, and we have a tendency to overestimate what other people know or are capable of and to underestimate what we know and what we are capable of, and I say this particularly for introverts and quiet achievers. So we assume that other people know more than we do, that they are smarter, and if they also happen to be more confident and outspoken and be able to articulate their views really well, then we look at them with admiration, with a little envy even, and wonder why aren't we more like that? And by the time we finish overthinking, because we're also processing what was that question really intended to achieve? What does the person who's asking it want out of me? Do they want just an answer? Do they want facts and research statistics? Or is there another agenda? Is there something more to it? And so we we think about all these sorts of things, and by the time we finish processing and filtering and everything, the window for opportunity has passed and the discussion has moved on, because you know, a few people have spoken, and so that fulfills the need for feedback and answers, and we have a sense of where we're going with this topic, and so it's time for the next topic on the agenda. And so, in those few minutes that it takes for all this to play out, the introverted, quiet achiever is sitting there quietly, looking as though they're not contributing or not really paying attention, but actually a lot is going on in their minds, or not really paying attention, but actually a lot is going on in their minds. So how does a person like that become more visible at work?

Speaker 1: 4:28

Now, that's the work context. Let's talk about the professional in the business. Let's say they are a business owner, they are the CEO, they are the founder, they are the creative behind this entity, this organization, and they want to put out a certain message. This entity, this organization, and they want to put out a certain message. But at the same time they are fearful or very nervous about engaging with people out there. They would rather have their head down doing the creative work, putting together, coming up with these amazing ideas, maybe working on the creative and artistic side of things, letting themselves express fully these wonderful ideas they have.

Speaker 1: 5:08

But when it comes time to be visible and say, hey, I've made this thing, come have a look, that's when they stumble, because they start thinking things like what if no one wants to look? What if no one cares? What if this thing is actually not really that valuable? It's just me that has an appreciation for this sort of stuff. What if it's not good enough? What if there's others out there who are doing the same thing, but much better. Who am I to compete with them and who am I to even think that I can start something and succeed? Who am I to think that I've got any business or entrepreneurial genes in me?

Speaker 1: 5:44

I've always been someone who slowly and steadily plodded along and did certain limited things, and here I am starting something new and I am just terrified of talking to people about it and letting them know about it, because the more people know, the less of a secret it becomes. It's no longer mine, my precious thing that I've been working on. It's something that goes out into the world that I have no control over. Who gets to see it? Who gets to engage with it and buy it and comment on it and judge it me as the creator of this thing and say, oh, you know, it's not worth its money, it's not good value. This creator person doesn't know what they're talking about.

Speaker 1: 6:31

Other people have much more expertise and wisdom. Don't listen to them. They're not the real thing and these sorts of thoughts have a way of playing out this kind of catastrophizing and thinking the worst possible things that could happen in the entire universe and thinking it will happen to you have a way of playing out and then stopping us from going any further. So the idea just stays buried. The idea stays on paper, stays inside the journal, in the computer, it doesn't get launched, no one knows about it. It's the best kept secret. So in these two cases, we have one person who is at work and one person who is at work in their own business, and both of them have the same problem, which is visibility. So no one knows about them. No one gets to appreciate their talents, their creativity, their wisdom, their experiences, their stories, wisdom, their experiences, their stories. No one gets to enjoy or benefit from or be blessed by what they have done or what they have put together. And the underlying thing that is stopping them is fear, and fear is universal. All of us have fears of some kind, and usually the three that underpin that are most common are the fear of not being loved, the fear of not belonging and the fear of not being enough. And so you can see how these play out at work.

Speaker 1: 7:53

If I speak up, I might stick out for the wrong reasons. If I speak up and say the wrong thing, people might condemn me or make fun of me or I might lose my credibility and my reputation if I put this thing out into the world and it flops. Well, that makes me a failure, that makes me incompetent, that makes me not good enough to be doing this. And so, instead of thinking, how can I do better, what can I change, what can I do differently, next time we start thinking, oh, I'm not good, I'll never be good at this thing, I might as well give up now.

Speaker 1: 8:30

And so what I want to do with this program is actually to help the introvert and the quiet achiever see that it's not that dire, that there is actually a pathway through to get you from being a quiet achiever and that's nothing wrong by itself to being the quiet warrior that you need to be when there is something you need to show to the world or something you need to speak up about, or where you want to take action and you want to galvanize people and get them to come on board and come on this journey with you. And to do that, you need influence, you need visibility, you need to be seen, you need to be heard, and you need to be seen and heard in such a way that people actually take on board what it is. You are trying to convey what it is that you're trying to say and they start to agree with you and they want to come along. And that's when you know you're visible for the right reasons. So it's not just blanket visibility about being popular or having a huge following on social media and lots of people liking and commenting. It's actually building a community that makes a difference. And your community doesn't even have to be large. You could have 50 people in your community who are passionate about what you do, who care just as much about what you do as you do, and as soon as you drop an email or say you know I'm making this thing or I'm hosting this event, they want to come along. I'm making this thing or I'm hosting this event, they want to come along. That's the kind of community you want to build for your own visibility journey. And so it's visibility with purpose, it's visibility with clarity, knowing why you want to be visible, and it's visibility with courage, meaning that there will be times you have to do hard things, inconvenient things, uncomfortable things, and you will. You're capable of doing those things, and I'm here to show you how, together, we can get this done. We can get you to the other side on this pathway through from being hiding in the background and hiding in the shadows to actually putting yourself out into the world and sharing your message more widely and more effectively. So that's what the Visible, introvert Academy really is about, and, to make it easier for you, I've structured it as three modules over 12 weeks, so every four weeks we cover one module.

Speaker 1: 10:42

The first module is about speaking confidently. Speaking up whenever you're called upon is about speaking confidently. Speaking up whenever you're called upon, speaking up anywhere, anytime, and that is not just about the technique of speaking and public speaking. It's also about tending to what's going on inside you that is making it difficult for you to speak, what's choking you up, what's making you feel like I can't say this kind of thing, what's influenced you, perhaps from your childhood and your upbringing and from past conditioning things that have happened that may have made you feel that you were shut down or you were not worthy to speak, or that your voice would not be heard or that you are not important. And now, if you have strong beliefs like these, underpinning at the root cause of why you do what you do, it makes it very obvious why you can't speak, and so we will look into some of these underlying root causes and how to clear them so that they are no longer in your way when you actually have something to say, and then you can go ahead and say it freely and fully. And so that's module one, about speaking confident. Module two is about getting things done.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Now, introverts and quiet achievers are very good at getting things done. However, when we get into our heads too much, we lose connection with ourselves, with our true selves, we forget our purpose and we get all in a tizzy about the details, about getting it right, the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of things not working out, fear of not knowing, not having the answers up front. What do I do next? This is too overwhelming, this is too much, this is too hard. And so we go round and round, and that's why we procrastinate, that's why we fall into patterns of perfectionism. Of course it's again, you know, when we connect the dots back to childhood, to our upbringing, to our environment.

Speaker 1: 12:45

We can also see where certain people, certain figures, certain contexts, certain situations may have made that worse, by perhaps making it to be that we are somehow not good enough, that just because we made a mistake. Here and there it's reflection on us, the worth, worthiness and the worth of us as human beings, which it is not. And so we will also want to explore those patterns and how they are obstructing how they're showing up and how they're obstructing our progress in getting things done. Because if you are constantly craving perfection, you won't be happy with just mere progress. The fact that you did something but you didn't do it good enough, you didn't do it well enough, that's going to block you in wanting to do more and in making those repetitions. And repetitions and creating the habits are actually where you show up consistently and it becomes a way of life for you, and then that's how you get things done.

Speaker 1: 13:47

So we look into some ways to go around that and to release these addictions, if you will addiction to certainty, addiction to security, addiction to knowing everything and be more comfortable and able to play around with our inner, our inner child, who is curious, who doesn't know everything but is curious to find out, is curious to go on adventures, who wants to do something different and have a good time and have a fun time and explore and discover things. And so we want to reconnect with this version of ourselves who may have been shut down when we were children and told you know, you can't do this, you can't go there, you can't eat this, or you can't go to this place and do this thing because it's not within the rules or it's inconvenient, or I have no time to take you, or it's too expensive, or it's not relevant or it's a waste of time. So if we were constantly given these sorts of messages about the things that we love to do, do and we were curious about, and that these things were not valuable and not relevant and not important enough, then you can see why it would be difficult for you to get things done when you actually need to do them. You find a reason, an excuse to talk yourself out of doing them, because that gives you an extra layer of protection that actually protects you from making mistakes, getting hurt, being ridiculed, and they're all valid reasons. But there are times when you have to go past all those hurdles in order to get to the other side, which is when the thing is done, and so building and expanding your capacity, your tolerance for making mistakes, for uncertainty, for ambiguity, for not knowing, and increasing your capacity to trust yourself and to trust that things will work out and then building in that consistency so that you become the kind of person who gets things done. So that's module two getting things done.

Speaker 1: 15:54

And module three is where we put these two things together, because it's one thing to talk strategy, but the thing that makes the difference between a how-to course and a transformational course is that you become a different person. At the end of the transformational course, you find that you are becoming more and more a certain kind of person that you didn't think you were capable of being, or you didn't think it was possible for you. But at the same time, there was a tiny part of you that always knew that you had it in you to do this difficult thing, and so we want to help you get there. And so module three is about tying all these together understanding now how the root causes that led to your procrastination, your overthinking, your perfectionism, analysis, paralysis and all the other hurdles we put in our own way.

Speaker 1: 16:42

Now that we understand those and now that we're learning to release them and to let them go and to build our own capacity for self-trust and getting things done and showing up consistently and being a person of integrity and walking our talk, now we can talk about being visible. We have a reason to be visible. Now that we've got some of our baggage cleared, we're becoming a clearer, fuller version of ourselves. We can now start to talk clearly, think clearly. Fuller version of ourselves. We can now start to talk clearly, think clearly, function from this higher perspective, from this different, more enlightened, but also a brighter and a clearer view. So we're no longer only accessing our heads, our minds, our conscious minds. We're also reconnected with our spirit, our heart, our soul. We know why we're here. We know what we're here to do. We're back on the path.

Speaker 1: 17:41

This is like coming back to that first day that you received the call and, instead of running off in a panic or closing the door, you are opening the door. You're saying I'm ready, my bag is packed, I'm ready to go on this adventure. Let's go. And you don't necessarily know what the next step is, but you know that you have what it takes to take the first step and the second step and the third step. And that really is a summary of the Visible, introvert Academy getting you from being a quiet achiever who closes the door on opportunities and hides in the shadows to being a quiet warrior who can open the door, step out of your house, go on an adventure, discover what you will, explore and expand your world and come back a different person. See you on the inside Thrive To receive more uplifting content like this. Connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.