The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

53. An Introvert's Journey to Genuine Connections (with Petros Eshetu)

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

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In this episode of the Quiet Warrior podcast, I welcome Petros Eshetu to discuss the topic of making authentic connections as an introvert. 

Petros shares his personal journey: from arriving in the U.S. in 2005, navigating a new culture, dealing with social anxiety, and ultimately finding his way to being comfortable in his own skin. 

We discuss the importance of self-understanding, vulnerability, and community, especially for international students and immigrants. 

Petros, a financial analyst by day and “Narrative Whisperer” by night, also shares how he helps aspiring authors overcome mental blocks to share their stories through books. 

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the challenges and triumphs of introverts in a world that often values extroverted traits.


Bio:

Petros Eshetu is the author of the #1 Amazon best-selling book, The Introvert Immigrant’s Journey and is known as the ‘Narrative Whisperer’ where he helps coaches who want to share their knowledge and expertise through a book so they can build authority in their field. Petros’s work has been featured on Self Publishing School, Kindlepreneur, IntrovertU, and MO2Vate magazine.

Petros’ book The Introverted Immigrant Journey is available on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Introverted-Immigrants-Journey-Overcoming-Anxiety-ebook/dp/B079Y3JYLH


Connect with Petros on :

Linkedin :   https://www.linkedin.com/in/petroseshetu/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dreampassionlife

Website : www.petroseshetu.com


If you enjoyed this episode, remember to give it a 5-star rating on whichever platform you listen from, so The Quiet Warrior Podcast can reach more introverts around the world!

P.S. If you’re an introverted professional woman who feels unseen and unknown in the workplace because of your quiet persona, my new online program The Visible Introvert Academy will help you gain the courage and confidence to take action.

Join the waitlist for updates on when the next launch will be.



This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Serena Loh. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with the calm, introspective and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique and powerful about being an introvert, and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible. Welcome, hey, everyone, welcome to the Quiet Warrior podcast, and today I have another exciting speaker for you. I've been looking at his bio and I still chuckle when I tell you what he does for work and what he does when he's not working. So welcome today to Petros Ishetu. Thank you for joining us here.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Suna, and thank you for having me on your podcast.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. So, petros, today we're going to be talking about how to make authentic connections. As an introvert, now, this topic excites me because I feel so connected with the idea of being that quiet person going out and trying to make those connections with people, but then having the struggle of how do I show up, how do I be true to myself? Struggle of how do I show up, how do I be true to myself, how do I be honest about what I really think and how I feel when there is an expectation to act in a certain way. So can you talk us through that? You know, how did you make that connection for yourself?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, definitely. You know, when I used to hear like, hey, just be yourself and just be your authentic self, like, hey, just be yourself and just be your authentic self, I always used to think like, well, I am, or I thought I was at least. Um, because to be that person it took me a journey. You know, there was no formula that was given to me. It's like it just took a lot of like peeling an onion, like just taking layers, of layers and just getting to that root self. But one of the things I've learned is like, in order for me to be authentic to myself but to others, is actually to be vulnerable. And now it's okay, I think vulnerability is accepted.

Speaker 2:

But when I had arrived in the U S back 2005, like you know, I did not know what that meant and it was not something you just openly shared. But then now the question is like well, how do I be vulnerable? And so now that's where you have to go to yourself and know that you're not perfect, or how to be, to accept yourself and your imperfections and all of your imperfections. And I think that requires a lot of deep work to know that you're going to mess up, and sometimes there's going to be times where it's going to be awkward or sometimes, like I used to have a lot of social anxiety and panic attacks.

Speaker 2:

That back in 2005, when I came to the US, I didn't know what that was, I didn't even know I was experiencing that until years later that it started to come to me like, oh, I didn't realize how much stress I was putting myself unnecessarily to please others and just to look perfect and, of course, when I was uncomfortable, everybody around me was uncomfortable. So I would say first you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Once you become comfortable in your own skin, believe me, when you go anywhere, it's almost you give people permission to be comfortable in their own skin once they start interacting with you. It's not necessarily the first words, it's just the way you carry yourself and, seeing that you're comfortable, people will respond to that and that's how you can start to have authentic connections.

Speaker 1:

Wow, you said a lot in there, petros. I particularly relate to the idea of being comfortable in your own skin because, like you, it took me many years to even understand what that meant. I knew it theoretically, yes, you know, be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin. Just say it the way you want. But then you also mentioned that there was that need to be perfect and a need to please others. Now I wonder where this need to be perfect and to please others comes from.

Speaker 2:

You know, I think part of it is obviously my upbringing, you know, seeing family, seeing them. You know, maybe it's trying to please others, but it also part of the culture, like, especially, I'm Ethiopian. So even in different culture it's trying to serve others. But it comes to a point where sometimes you might serve others and maybe you don't and you start having resentment. Or it's all about now trying to have a, an image or something to keep up, and my family was not like that.

Speaker 2:

But sometimes when you pick up things as a child and then when I grew up, it was just how do I show this? I'm wearing like a disguise, like that person that I'm showing out there is not really me. Is this something that I developed, maybe more of a protection to hide through my real self and like? It's very vulnerable to show like how you really are or how you feel or how you think. It requires a lot of courage, knowing that some people might not like it and some people might attack you for it. And so, like you said, it takes a process to start to be comfortable on like, actually showing like your actual thoughts and not just saying something or trying to please someone just that you want to fit in a group when you know what that group is, probably not even for you, but you just feel like you need to fit into everybody's group I like what you said about culture and I think I can relate to that.

Speaker 1:

So I'm from a chinese culture and we also have this concept of people pleasing or not losing face. So you, you don't want to lose face, you don't want your family to lose face and you try not to make other people lose face. So that means we are constantly. It's almost like walking on eggshells sometimes, when it when it gets really extreme. You have to be so careful about what you say because it reflects not only on you personally, it reflects on your family's honour, and you might not even know until you say the wrong thing and then get in trouble with the elders and it gets reflected back to you. And so you know next time I won't say things like that that make my family look bad.

Speaker 1:

And you also make sure that you are careful what you say to other people, because if you make them lose face, they're going to be embarrassed, they're going to be ashamed, they're not going to like you, they're going to look at you poorly, as though you've been raised badly. You know your upbringing must be terrible. Nobody supervised you when you were young and nobody taught you any better, and so then that again reflects badly on your family. So there were so many considerations I remember Unconsciously, as you say, you don't realize it at the time as a child. You just imitate what's going on around you and then you pick up things unconsciously, just by observation how are the adults talking to other people, what's the repercussions? And then you pick up all these things and you model them. You repeat these patterns as an adult.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I think we pick them up very easily and sometimes you don't know until I'm sure you could even attest to this until you go into living in another country, get out of your culture, and then you start realizing the differences and knowing like, oh, not everybody does it the way I have done it, and so it kind of opens you up of different ways of seeing things. And sometimes there's some good things about my culture and I realized there's some bad things about it that I don't like. And so as I grew up, I got to, in a way, pick like well, I like this about my culture and I like this about this new culture, which for me was the US coming there and for you might be Australia. Like, you just pick up these things and then you start forming your own beliefs and you don't have to fall with the beliefs that you might have picked up, maybe for good reason, at that point, but then sometimes you have to start questioning it and so, yeah, it's very important.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and I think it's important also that you mentioned that it was useful at the time. Those protective mechanisms that we developed Usually they were to keep us safe, they were for survival, they were to fit in, and fitting in is also part of survival. We might not like that group, but we feel that we have to fit in with them because maybe they give us some kind of protection from you know even bigger enemies out there, and so we try so hard to squeeze ourselves into somebody else's mold, not knowing that those rules can be rewritten and that we can find our own group, our own tribe, our own people that we are actually really comfortable with and we don't have to pretend to be someone that we're not.

Speaker 2:

Yes, because it can be very stressful. I've had to wear so many invisible masks, especially when I'm at work mask especially when I'm at work. You know, there was one job I had where I was speaking to so many different groups and I was wearing a different mask for each person and it's just exhausting until you just get stressed and you just realize that first of all, you can't please everyone and also nobody really knows you because you haven't really been honest or upfront about who you are, your thoughts, your feelings. Maybe you don't like working a certain way, or maybe it's okay you don't like a certain person. You don't need to tell them that, but it's okay.

Speaker 2:

There's no guilt in feeling that Some people you get along, some people you don't.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes you have strengths that others don't, and so when you start comparing yourself to others, when you start to get to know yourself like I love personality tests, I love knowing that you know that time I didn't know what introvert was when I came to the US.

Speaker 2:

So as I learned more about it, my confidence in myself and acceptance of myself slowly started developing when I realized, hey, I am a highly sensitive person. When I started learning about that area, I started building confidence in myself. That doesn't mean that I can't grow or that I can't go, network or socialize or speak. I don't use that as a way to hone me into that identity, but it allows me to accept myself and know that I'm imperfect or that I'm not like other people and that's fine. And so I think getting to know yourself and really study yourself I think will allow you to start breaking those barriers and that wall that you've developed to not allow people to come in. That'll start coming down and then you start realizing that you know all of us are imperfect but we can still show up every day.

Speaker 1:

I like that part about self-understanding and self-acceptance. It's so important and not just through personality quizzes. That's certainly one way of getting started. But I think every day that we invest in asking ourselves deeper questions about why we are the way we are and noticing how other people may be different or similar, and getting curious. Getting curious, but without the judgment. I think perhaps the judgment is the part that holds us back, because the fear of judgment means I will not take risks.

Speaker 1:

I will not go out on a limb and try something different, say something different, experiment. The next time I meet a different person, a new person, I won't practice being a different version because I'm afraid it will backfire. I'm afraid of how that person might take it. They might take it personally, they might take it the wrong way, there might be a miscommunication, and so if I'm too afraid of taking risks and trying new things, I will not. I will simply hold back and do what is safe. And it comes back to safety. Isn't it the need to feel safe wherever I go, that it's safe for me to show up? It's safe for me to be myself, it's safe for me to say things in my own way, which could be unique and not like anybody else?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I completely agree. It's just you know, and I think that's part of our genes, or you know where community is so important and your family should be the number one place where you can, and that's the one place where I could just be comfortable. I know that they're always going to be there, they're always going to love me, and that's a beautiful thing. I think having that community is important, but I'm not sure for you, but for me.

Speaker 2:

When I came to the U S uh, my family didn't come with me. I went to start college there and I went to a small town in Wisconsin and in a small city, and so now, from having that community and that network, I was now by myself and that brought a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, because I didn't have any place to fall back into. And so I think having community wherever you are, if your family's not around which for a lot of international students that travel having that community is important because you know, if the world sometimes you don't feel you're understood, at least there's a place where people can lift you up, where they can love you and they know who you are and they can and they accept you, and I think that's so important to have that safety net, as you said.

Speaker 1:

I agree with you. I think, especially when you migrate on your own, there is so much that you are taking on by yourself at a very young age and you have to do all these adult things at the same time. Being expected to fit into society, you know, to hit the ground running, almost understand the culture, could be a culture shock for you. That could be language barriers, that could be just a whole different way of communication and all these internal rules that nobody tells you about until you've lived there for a certain period of time, and then you start to think like a local or speak like a native speaker, and those are things we can't really prepare ourselves for. We just have to almost go with the flow, allow it to happen, allow ourselves to learn and to make the mistakes and to pick ourselves up. But it's so important, like you said, if family is not there, then certainly you want community, and if you can't find the community, then perhaps you have to create the community yourself by going out and meeting people, connecting people authentically, as you say.

Speaker 2:

Yes, the community is important and introverts, I think. Sometimes, you know, it's easy to justify that we're just lonely people. But that's just. That's not how we're built. We're built to connect with others. Maybe we don't like to socialize for very long or, you know, there might be certain things that extroverts do well that we don't. But we're made to be commune with other people and that's the one big thing.

Speaker 2:

There was one big challenge when I arrived was that for the first two years it was a big struggle. I had friends but I didn't feel like I was really connecting with them, and so the first two years was a big struggle until I had to make the choice where you know what I'm going to have to go out there. It's not going to change unless I change. And when I started going out, I actually started meeting international students, realizing that they were going through the same experiences I was going through. And when you start making those connections, then you start building those bonds and then that's when I'd say that's when I really started enjoying the country and the culture, but knowing that there's a safety net, knowing that others are going through the same thing, they're away from their families and they also want a bonding. So definitely, community is huge.

Speaker 1:

So back in 2005, when you first landed in the USA, what was it like for you? How did you go about making these new connections, meeting these fellow students?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, the one thing I learned was I'm not going to meet the students studying all day and be locked up in my room, which is what I did a lot of the times. The studying was good, but I was also avoiding a lot of activities that I can do with students, and every time I didn't want to really socialize and so I'll be in my room because I was always getting again social anxiety and panic attacks that the only safest place was my room where I could just let go and be myself. Um, but one of the things I started doing is started joining different organizations, or you know, if a friend invites me to go somewhere, that I actually just actually say yes. So trying to say yes more was very helpful and just the idea that, oh, you know, it's going to be a lot of people or it's going to, you know, I might not like it At this point.

Speaker 2:

I just learned to start saying yes to things and maybe no to others as well. I think that was a key Once I had that group of five, six friends, that we do things together. It allowed me to feel safe and allowed me to go out there. But you have to initiate and you have to know too, that any friend you have right now, or best friend, they were once strangers at one point, before you got to be friends and know them and just know that there might be another person, stranger, who could be your best friend for life and if you think about it when you go out, you might have a better opportunity to connect with the right people.

Speaker 1:

I think when you put it that way, it almost becomes an adventure, something to look forward to, which is saying a lot for an introvert who has social anxiety, because I run a community for introverts here in Melbourne and I know some people who have such severe anxiety that just the thought of signing up to an event and showing up is a huge challenge. And for them to step out of the house, you know, get on the tram, get on the train, come to an event where they don't know anybody except that they know the rest are introverts, that already is a huge step for them to actually actually show up. So for you, I think that took a lot of courage and a lot of almost like an adventurous spirit and an openness and a curiosity to change the way that you had been functioning and then open yourself up to this whole new life, new culture, new friendships, and really make the most of all the opportunities that you had yes, no again, it was a journey.

Speaker 2:

I'm not going to say it was just overnight and everything, but yes, it was a journey and you have to be intentional. That's the one thing you can't hope, because there's especially when my first networking I remember that there are many reasons why you should not go. Just getting dark outside and draining, I'm not gonna go. If you take the tram and maybe you miss the one tram and you're gonna be late five minutes, uh, it's not worth it. That was a sign or it's just, oh, I don't know anybody who's going there. There are many reasons that you can easily just have an excuse and nobody's going to keep you accountable for that, and so that's why you have to be intentional and you have to put yourself out there. You have to, and even if it's sometimes it's going to be embarrassing, but just know like, and so that's for getting to know yourself. But also going out, going out there and talking with people, you will also get to know yourself.

Speaker 1:

In that way, yeah, intentionality is huge I think that's actually very, very deep the idea of being intentional about what you do and knowing that you might make mistakes, knowing that things might not always go the way you plan, but nevertheless, because you started out with the intention of opening yourself up and being brave and doing something new, and also noticing I think what you said was getting to know yourself that by putting yourself out there, you get to know yourself, and that is so true. I have noticed that when I actually attend networking events or have conversations with people afterwards I reflect on it, because that's what introverts do we're constantly reflecting, and that's how we learn and we notice.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that person said this and I replied that way, and how I replied was different from how I normally would, and I wonder why that is. And then you notice all these little ways, very subtle ways, in which you are changing and as you said earlier on that it's a journey. We don't change overnight. We're still introverts.

Speaker 2:

It's just that we have learned to navigate in our own way, find what works for us and notice what situations help us to flourish oh, yes, yes, I mean, yeah, you definitely there's a lot of reflection that goes on and, um, you might meet people that love that, like each of us. They love talking to introverts because we're good listeners and they're good talkers, but it's good when we also share a little bit. But, um, but yeah, and somebody might say something you never thought, like man, you're a very good listener, or wow, that was so insightful, like they will give you compliments and also, be mindful, be aware of that, write it down, because those are things that you don't tell yourself or maybe you don't realize, and only other people can sometimes tell you things that you take for granted. So, yeah, being with other people is really helpful and yeah, You're so right.

Speaker 1:

I think as introverts, as quiet achievers and overthinkers, we do often forget that we have strengths, and we tend to downplay our strengths or treat it as, oh you know, it's not a big thing. But to somebody else, for instance a talker, who needs someone to listen to them much more, and we offer that up so easily and so effortlessly to them that it's a gift, and we don't realize it's a gift until somebody gives us that feedback. And so you are right to also notice the compliment, to write it down, because those are things we don't say to ourselves. And so when somebody actually says that to us, let's take it in the spirit in which it was given, you know, with the goodwill that it was given, and integrate that, accept that that becomes part of our identity, that becomes part of who we are. That's how other people see us and that completes the picture, because otherwise then it's just us in our own heads, thinking things about ourselves and forgetting how other people are actually perceiving us. So that's really important what you said. Now I'm curious by day.

Speaker 1:

You're a financial analyst. You crunch numbers. Numbers are your world. You love spreadsheets. Tell me what it is that you do outside of work.

Speaker 2:

So outside of work, I'm known as a narrative whisperer, so I help coaches who want to share their knowledge and expertise to a book so that not only can they build authority but they can also get more speaking gigs. And one of the biggest challenges that especially entrepreneurs or new authors face is that they get stuck in the book. Something's blocking them, and it could be a small thing, it could be a big thing, it could be a mentorship, and a lot of times they get stuck, and that stuck, let's say, for a few days, a few weeks, a few months. Next thing you know they give up on their book idea. Weeks, a few months. Next thing you know they give up on their book idea.

Speaker 2:

And so one of the things I'm good at is just listening to people and hearing and catching what is it that they're telling themselves, and then addressing it and slowly but surely, once they start removing those blocks, which is all their work, I'm just again, I'm an introvert. I'm good at listening. I'm just good at just reflecting back something that maybe they haven't heard, and a lot of the times that's how the book actually starts to develop. But it's about getting getting aware of what's stopping you, and it could be I'm not good enough. Or you know, maybe your English teachers in your head saying you're always making mistakes. You know it could be I'm not good enough. Or you know, maybe your English teacher is in your head saying you're always making mistakes. You know it could be so many things that you don't even realize Again. It's one of those beliefs. We have cultural beliefs. We also have writing beliefs, and those are the things that I help new authors work on.

Speaker 1:

That's brilliant. I can so relate to that, the idea of being stuck inside your head with a book or with anything that you're trying to give birth to, and you're creating it from scratch. And this whole creative process is you know. Of course it's fraught with ups and downs, stories up about how you need to be perfect, or how you're not good enough yet, or who's going to listen to your message, and so on and so on. The book will never get born. So I think that's what you're doing. It's wonderful. You're encouraging them, you're helping them get unblocked, you're helping them really give birth more smoothly to that final product. Because, who knows, somebody could get touched by something that they read in that book. And we never know these things. It could be years later. It seems very random, but I always believe that there is divine timing to these things. So when you put something like that with intention and love and compassion out into the world, somebody who needs to see it at the right time will see it.

Speaker 2:

But if that person never wrote the book, then the other person can't be blessed that's exactly it and it goes back to you being authentic and how you speak, how you write. But that also requires you getting to know yourself, because to for me even as an introvert, to put I remember my first book to put it out there was very difficult, because people are going to know how I think, they're actually going to know how I feel about certain things. Maybe certain family members, certain people like people, are not going to know, and it's the book really puts you in a vulnerable state. Um, people might attack you that you suck at writing or that's not true what you wrote. There's so many things that can happen and so that's where it's good to have, if you don't have a community, have a book coach who can be there and be that, be that support.

Speaker 2:

And because I've been there, I know how difficult it is and some people don't want to share their story and I like that. But I know that my story, if I can't speak it, I know it's going to help somebody when they read it, and a lot of books I've read I'm so grateful that they've written it, like Susan Cain when she wrote the Quiet Book that just opened my eyes and just feel comfortable myself. So I'm glad she had the courage to do that. And so who am I to hold back and who are other people to hold their story? And that's why it's so important for my work to help people share their story, even if it's difficult. But they have to also work on themselves, because the book is going to reveal themselves.

Speaker 1:

That question there who am I to hold back? I think needs to be a rallying cry for introverts who are stuck in their whatever project they thought about, they are passionate about, but they're just worried about the outcome. Again, it's back to feeling safe and feeling worthy to release this work into the world. Who am I to hold back is an excellent question, an excellent antidote to that overthinking. Now you've written a number of best-selling books on Amazon and I want to ask you particularly about the introverted immigrant's journey. Tell us more about that.

Speaker 2:

Yes, so the introverted immigrant's journey. It shares my story, and actually a little bit already, but it shares my story of when I arrived in the US from Africa, from a small country called Zimbabwe, and just me adapting into this new world. Because where I was from, I was normal. I wouldn't say I'm an introvert or extrovert. It's just like I knew how to get along. I knew people, I knew the country. It was so easy. But when I came to the US, it was more of an extroverted world, it was more of individualistic, which is different than how I grew up. And here I am.

Speaker 2:

Not only am I an introvert, but I'm experiencing a new culture, a new way of how things are, and so there was a lot of things that you know I was not prepared, like how to go out there and sell myself, go for job interviews or go for, you know if, a scholarship that you want to get, like to actually go and sell yourself and not focus on, like we did it, but focus on.

Speaker 2:

Here's what I did and just putting the spotlight on me, and that was something I was not used to and very uncomfortable, and so those are some of the challenges in also like giving presentations and, and that in general is going to come as you grow. But coming to the us and justrovert the world was a very challenge, and the problem was that there was not a lot of resources at that time of what introvert was, and so I would almost try and copy the extroverts, which is very stressful because I know that was not me, but I didn't have another model in which to follow, and so that made it difficult and that was one of the reasons of writing this book is just to share how it felt to come to a whole extroverted world and being an introvert shared particularly for international students finding their feet in a new country.

Speaker 1:

for anyone who is an immigrant experiencing you know the culture shock and the process of adjusting, and also the additional layer of being an introvert and feeling our way into. You know what's a more authentic version of ourselves. How do we show up and be comfortable in our own skin, accepting ourselves, accepting our imperfections? How do we show up and be comfortable in our own skin, accepting ourselves, accepting our imperfections? How do we connect authentically with people, using our unique strengths, our ability to listen, to reflect, to mirror back, to get curious, to not be judgmental and taking it all as a journey. That it's not something magical that happens, that transforms overnight, but it's something we work towards every day, showing up as the best version of ourselves.

Speaker 1:

So I really appreciate you for this and I encourage all listeners to this episode to check out the show notes for Petros' book the Introverted Immigrant's Journey and also have a look at his work If you have a book that you are thinking of or you're struggling to give birth to because of all the stories you're telling yourself. Do reach out to Petros so that he can guide you and, as a narrative whisperer, he can tease the story out of you and help you unblock, so that you can feel more free-flowing, more authentic, more connected to the process of creating this book, this important message that you've got to share with the world, because someone out there needs to hear it. So thank you very much, petros, for joining us today on the Quiet Warrior podcast. I appreciate you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Zarina.

Speaker 1:

I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together, we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.