The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

47. What to do when you feel consciously incompetent

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

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This episode explores the challenges of embarking on something that you have little experience or expertise in. 

Talking Points:

  • What is conscious incompetence

  • My experience with conscious incompetence at school

  • Why high achievers struggle to admit that there are things they don’t know and aren’t good at

  • My 8 tips for navigating the season of not knowing 

For gentle and compassionate support while you grow your competence, reach out to me at info@serenalow.com.au. 


Here’s how I can support you further:

Connect with Serena Low at serenalow.com.au. 

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Speaker 1

Hi , I'm Serena Loh . If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy , anxious , antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills , then this podcast is for you . You're about to fall in love with the calm , introspective and profound person that you are . Discover what's fun , unique and powerful about being an introvert , and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want , in more ways than you imagined possible . Welcome , welcome to the Quiet Warrior podcast .

Speaker 1

If you've ever played a sport you knew nothing about , or got called upon to say a few words about an unfamiliar topic without prior warning , or started a new venture or new role with zero prior experience , then you know what it is to feel consciously incompetent . But it's obvious to you , and maybe obvious to others , that you don't know what you're doing or saying and you haven't got the experience to back you up . At school , I was consciously incompetent at PE . I was what you call a PE dropout Terrible reflexes , terrible coordination , no stamina . I was that person you didn't want on your team because if you threw a ball at me during a game , I was that person you didn't want on your team because if you threw a ball at me during a game . I would freeze and not know what to do with it . When I took up martial arts lessons at the age of 42 , I felt like my PE nightmares had started all over again . While the teens around me effortlessly did rolls and ran circles and did burpees and push-ups , I was trying not to die .

Speaker 1

Starting over in a new area can feel like that , especially if you're used to being a high achiever and your middle name is competence . You hate not knowing the answer . You hate feeling powerless and helpless . You hate making mistakes and making a fool of yourself . Perhaps it brings back childhood memories of being told off for making mistakes . Only callous and irresponsible people make mistakes . You should be more careful . Pay attention to details , get it right the first time . Sound familiar ? So what do you do as a high achiever , starting over with zero knowledge and experience ? First , let's accept the basic truth . There is no way you can avoid the initial period of conscious incompetence when you know , and everyone knows , what a lousy job you're doing . So here are some tips to tide you over that period .

Speaker 1

Number one learn as much as you can , as quickly as you can , while you can . If you have to start work an hour earlier because you haven't figured out how things work . If you have to put in an hour after work to read up , do it . Number two use this grace period to make more mistakes . It's easy to get stuck in trial mode , waiting until you know every process and how every bit of information fits together . Learning what not to do and why is just as important as knowing what to do . So go ahead , make mistakes . Just make sure you're taking notes for future reference . Number three ask for help . It's the quickest way to get answers . People are always happy to help a newbie and you start to build a bank of useful data faster than if you tried researching everything yourself . And while you're at it , ask for feedback how am I doing ? Where am I doing well and not so well ? What could I do differently next time ?

Speaker 1

Number four expand your tolerance for imperfection . The saying goes , progress is better than perfection . Now , this one took me years to accept without feeling that I was gritting my teeth , but it's true . When you are taking action , you're making progress . If you're staying still because you're waiting to be perfect , you're taking no action at all , and so you're not growing . Tolerance towards yourself ripples over into your relationships with others and how you view others' imperfections . Number five have a sense of humor . Laugh at your own mistakes no-transcript . Number six celebrate your growth when you get it right and when you get it wrong , be kind and generous with yourself . Again , how you treat yourself is how you treat others . Number seven tap into your quiet warrior strengths .

Speaker 1

When I was a child , I was told I was stubborn , and stubborn was not a good thing to be . So whenever I was told I was stubborn , it meant I was doing something wrong . But as an adult , now that I reflect on it , my stubbornness comes in useful . My stubbornness means I don't give up . It means I will hang in there until I start to do better . So , whatever qualities you have in your reserves persistence , courage , strength , resilience , optimism , faith tap into them . Use them to remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be , and start embodying those traits .

Speaker 1

Number eight affirm how you want to be . Eight affirm how you want to be . I love using positive affirmations to describe how I am now as well as to embody how I want to be . So I might say to myself I enjoy learning new things . I'm growing my skills and knowledge every day . I am more than my mistakes , the biggest piece of advice I can give you at this time don't confuse your current skill level with your identity .

Speaker 1

Who you are and what you can do are not the same thing . This is just a phase . It will not always be this awkward and frustrating . Six months from now , you will look back at this time and it will be a distant memory . You would have moved on to your next phase of competence . Six months from now , you will look back at this time and it will be a distant memory . You would have moved on to your next phase of competence and perhaps be in a position to pass on your wisdom to another .

Speaker 1

For now , I wish you well with this new season of not knowing and if you need some gentle and compassionate support , reach out to me at info at serenalowcomau . See you on the next episode . I'm so grateful that you're here today . If you found this content valuable , please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform . Together , we can help more introverts thrive . To receive more uplifting content like this , connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lu Quiet , warrior Coach . Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me See you on the next episode .