The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

68. Raising Resilient Families and Breaking the Trauma Cycle with Deborah Sugirthakumar

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

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In this Episode 68 of The Quiet Warrior Podcast, we sit down with Deborah Sugirthakumar - author, radio host, and advocate for mental health resilience and domestic violence prevention.

Deborah shares her personal journey of overcoming adversity, breaking generational cycles of trauma, and raising a resilient family. Her insights into the power of empathy, accountability, and the quiet strength of introverts offer invaluable wisdom for parents, caregivers, and advocates alike.

Deborah also discusses her book, Raising Resilient Families, which combines evidence-based research with practical tools for creating compassionate, respectful, and mentally healthy environments for children. Whether you're a parent, educator, or community leader, this conversation will inspire you to take meaningful steps toward fostering resilience and breaking harmful cycles.

Who Should Listen:

This episode is perfect for introverts, parents, educators, and advocates looking to:

  • Foster resilience and mental well-being in their families and communities.

  • Learn strategies for breaking cycles of trauma and creating safer environments.

  • Understand how introverted strengths can lead to profound societal change.

  • Gain practical tools and insights for conscious parenting and advocacy.


Key Topics Discussed:

  • The Role of Quiet Leadership in Advocacy: Why introverts possess unique strengths, such as deep listening and thoughtful action, that make them effective agents of change.

  • Breaking Generational Cycles: Deborah’s deeply personal journey of healing from trauma and her commitment to raising her son with empathy and accountability.

  • Empowering Boys and Men: Addressing the stigma around male vulnerability and the importance of teaching boys emotional intelligence and respect.

  • Creating Safer Families: Practical tips for fostering resilience and positive family dynamics while navigating the challenges of modern parenting.

  • The Power of the Village: How collaboration, community, and shared values can transform individual efforts into widespread societal change.


Resources Mentioned:

  • Deborah’s Book: Raising Resilient Families is available on Amazon, Booktopia, and directly through Deborah on Instagram or Facebook.

  • Deborah’s Radio Shows:

    • Mindful Moments – An English-language program addressing mental health and societal change.

    • Vaanisai Tamil Radio – Celebrating Tamil language and culture.

  • Connect with Deborah:
    Instagram: @DeborahSugirthakumar
    Facebook: Deborah Sugirthakumar


"Introverts bring calm to chaos, listen deeply, and reflect profoundly. These qualities make them powerful advocates for change, even in a world that often undervalues quiet strength." – Deborah Sugirthakumar


Call to Action:

If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review The Quiet Warrior Podcast on your listening app. Your support helps amplify stories like Deborah’s and inspires more introverts and quiet achievers in our communities.


Stay tuned for the next episode, and remember: quiet strength changes lives.


This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Serena Loh. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with the calm, introspective and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique and powerful about being an introvert, and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible Welcome. Welcome to another episode of the Quiet Warrior podcast. Today's special guest is Deborah Sugir Thakuma. Deborah is an author, radio host and a dedicated advocate for mental health, resilience, domestic violence prevention and nurturing positive traits in the next generation. As the author of Raising Resilient Families, she focuses on empowering individuals to build strong, compassionate and resilient foundations. Debra hosts Mindful Moments, an English-language radio show addressing mental health, family dynamics and societal change, and co-hosts Vanisai Tamil Radio, which celebrates Tamil language and culture. Welcome, debra. No-transcript about your background story and what led you to your current interest in mental health, domestic violence prevention and resilient families.

Speaker 2:

My advocacy is based on a simple motto that love doesn't hurt and children shouldn't have to spend their adulthood healing from any trauma that is caused by the family environment that they grow up in. So my background I grew up in Sri Lanka for my early childhood, for the nine years, and then we migrated to Australia due to the Civil War, and the Civil War caused a lot of intense situation that we faced and I saw the resilience that shaped the foundation to the way that my parents raised me and that helped me to grow up to be a strong individual who's able to face adversity with a positive outlet. And for myself as well, I faced a situation where I had to leave my family house due to safety and for me, it made me look into the way that I want to raise my son, especially to become a man who is more accountable, who has integrity and who's able to advocate for mental health resilience when he grows up if life ever gets difficult. Especially, I think boys and men find it very difficult to emote their emotions in the society. So I just want to change the narrative so it is a safe space, so they can create a safe space for women as well as those around and when you look at the research by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, they emphasize that early childhood trauma for children.

Speaker 2:

It has an incredible impact on children when they grow up as adults. So it's so important as guardians, parents and caregivers that we transform pain into purpose so we can create a safer environment for children. So it started when I was 18 years old, so my first public speaking was in this topic for BCE, and that was a little step where I've, over the time, I've worked on myself with workshops and everything and having that much, I guess, knowledge in this field it can. You can go through a situation where you face a challenge or, no matter how much knowledge or advocacy you do, sometimes these things happen to you but it's so important to come out and get professional help, heal from it so you can create a positive impact on people.

Speaker 1:

Wow, you've said so much in there. The two things I think I noticed were boys and men are not encouraged to emote in society. Can we explore that a little bit? You know, we hear so much about toxic masculinity. We hear about, you know, boys don't cry. I remember there was a movie I watched many years ago called that Boys Don't Cry and it starred Hilary Swank and it touched me very, very deeply. Tell me more about this. Why is this such a huge challenge in society?

Speaker 2:

I think one of the reasons that it is a huge challenge is I explore this in my book as well Raising Resilient Families. Masculinity it has historically. It's to do with survival, where men have been encouraged to not show their emotion, to be the warrior who protects their family. But that actually has a lot of negative impact. Where it suppresses men's emotions or boys' emotions, where they grow up bottling up all their emotions and at point they reach out to negative outlets. Where it has a lot of implication on their behaviour, especially when you look at domestic violence issues that we have seen in Australia last year. A lot of men turn towards their partners or children and it becomes a violent outlet, which is not good. So calling out these behaviours and encouraging men to seek help is so important Encouraging and letting people know that vulnerability is actually a strength. It doesn't have to be looked at as a negative situation. So it's important that we change the narrative. I guess we've empowered our women and girls so. Negative situation. So it's important that we change the narrative. I guess we've empowered our women and girls so much.

Speaker 2:

I think it's about time that we empower men to speak about their emotions, get the right help if life ever gets challenging, and just to say that it's okay that you can get professional help and heal from any issues that you face in life. So it's a call to action, basically that it's time that we do need to speak up, and I think I need. We need more men to speak about these issues, who are influencers and who are in higher positions and who have the power to create a change, and I've seen that change coming and it's wonderful to see those men speak up. So seeing a role model who acknowledges this is so important as well. So, yeah, that's why we're on this arena.

Speaker 1:

So you're saying we need more men to speak up, men with lived experience, meant to be advocates and allies. And why is it so important to have that additional voice? Why is it important for our, say, our sons, our nephews, our fathers, our grandfathers to do this work? Because they would see themselves as, historically, what you mentioned, the protectors, the warriors of the family. And if they themselves are not comfortable expressing their feelings because they were not raised that way, how, how do we encourage them to then emote, to express, to speak up on behalf of others?

Speaker 2:

that's a really good question and especially I'll put that example back to my family. So with my dad he's during the civil war he seen a lot of losses. He lost his parents when he was really young, when he was 10, 11 years old. He was raised by my aunt, who was a little bit older, so he had a lot of post-traumatic stress and he had to learn to heal from that in order to be a better role model for my sister and I. And now he's got a grandson who is my son. So he did have to do a lot of work on himself to be where he is and not use negative outlets to handle his emotions.

Speaker 2:

So I think this role modeling it displays empathy, respect and emotional intelligence and it actually challenges the stereotype of masculinity by showing men that being unemotional or aggressive isn't good and rather being kind and responsible and respectful is so important. And by him doing that he's teaching my son to learn by observing his behaviour. He'll become the role model who will promote respect, equality and non-violence as an example in the house that my son grows up in. So he'll be the role model. And of course, I've got my brother-in-law, who will be the next role model that my son looks after, so those men who are part of his life every single day. They're promoting the accountability and leadership that's required for my son to grow up, or the next generation to grow up, to be a responsible and an accountable boy. And I think it breaks a cycle of toxic behavior as well, and many harmful behaviors are perpetuated through generational cycles. So having a good role model, having someone who's healed from their trauma, it disrupts that patterns and it demonstrates there are healthier ways to communicate problem solving as well. So conflict resolution it doesn't have to be through a negative way. You can handle emotions in a positive way and I think it inspires a bit of confidence and purpose as well for younger boys to see men for guidance and purpose and it builds self-esteem that you can persevere in life and have positive thinking and navigate life in a different way to overcoming adversity and difficulties that you face in life.

Speaker 2:

So I think it is so important that men who have walked the path of life to invest in mentoring other men and the next generation so they can build a culture where positive values are passed down. And you don't have to be a parent to do this. You can be a role model, a leader in an organization or a person who cares for the community. This creates a ripple effect, not only benefiting communities, but it changes the society as a whole. I think, and it's so important that seeing strong, kind, responsible men who take care of their mental well-being pick up so they can embody these qualities and contribute to a better world. So it's so important that we do see men who do that, and I hope that I raise my son to be the man who does that when he's older and where people can feel safe and they can heal from the environment instead of fighting battles in the environment that he creates. So that's something that I want to hopefully do with my little guy.

Speaker 1:

Which I think you're already doing, because the formative years are the years where we imprint on the next generation how they will be as they grow up.

Speaker 2:

And so the first seven years.

Speaker 1:

isn't that what they say in childhood development theory? These are the most important years, and you are spending this very precious time imprinting on your son all these positive values of resilience, of respect, of strength, of vulnerability as well.

Speaker 1:

And so well done to you as a parent, because I know, when you know, 22 years ago when I had my first child, I wasn't that conscious as a parent. I knew I wanted to do better and I wanted to be a good mother, but I didn't have that kind of perspective or you know the access to resources at that time. It was more like you know, you buy the baby book from the bookstore that tells you you know how to manage a child when they cry, how to get them to sleep, those sorts of things, but you know, we don't really talk about building the mental health of the child.

Speaker 1:

you know how to teach the child to be resilient and kind and respectful, how to role model that, and so I think for many generations, for many of us, we've just grown up absorbing whatever was imprinted or taught to us or conditioned in us as children and that's our default pattern. So to be able to actually consciously pause and ask ourselves is this still the kind of parenting pattern that I want to perpetuate? Is this how I want to raise my child?

Speaker 1:

Do I want to do better. How do I do better? What do I need to be doing differently? How do I need to be different as a person? And then, as a parent. So I think you are way, way ahead. So I think you are way, way ahead no-transcript to set that goal or that intention for yourself, to choose to be that kind of a conscious parent making those decisions.

Speaker 2:

Yeah and I think the world has evolved so much as well.

Speaker 2:

Um, I guess the time that you raised your children is different to the time that I'm raising, and if my son chooses to have a family, he'll be raising his children a different way.

Speaker 2:

I think the time has evolved and we just have to evolve with it and equip ourselves with resources instead of being learning from what has taught to us, which is good, but there is always added resources that we can take in to better equip our children.

Speaker 2:

And there's a quote that I read someone that you raise is the most important um, um thing that you can leave behind in this earth, as opposed to any other contribution that you may, because they can have such profound impact later on. So, um, yeah, as you said, definitely, um, there is more resources available now, uh, to equip parents and caregivers and guardians to, um, I guess, bring up children. So, yeah, time has changed and it's wonderful and it's important that even my mom, when she was reading my book, she said, if I had this like 30 years ago, I think I would have done a better job. And I said having what you had back then, you did do a good job. So now it's, the torch is on me to teach my son to be a better parent if he ever chooses to be. So I think that's what it's about here.

Speaker 1:

I think that's a very important point you've raised there, Deborah, because a lot of parents have this sense of guilt. The ones that do have good intentions, are trying their best but still feel that they are not doing a good enough job. And sometimes, you know, we have these episodes with our children, where they are maybe misbehaving. They are acting out at school. They're having some difficulties and as parents, we wonder you know, where did I go wrong?

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

So I think that element there that you mentioned of self-compassion, self-forgiveness and also knowing that you did your best at the time, you made the best decisions you could at the time under the circumstances that you faced, and now, knowing better, we do better, exactly yes. So I just want to encourage anyone who's listening to be gentle with yourself, too as you reflect on your own parenting journey, because no parent is perfect. Even if there was a parenting manual out there, we would still not get it right 100% of the time. It's just because we're human and every child and every adult is different.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and society? Yeah, exactly, and the society plays an important role in shaping the child as well. You can only equip children with the resources and knowledge and skills that they need to better handle life, but you cannot control the character that they are or the person that they are. So that's something that. And if things do fall apart, just remember that you equip them with the right resources and they will fall back to those resources at some point and come back and look at things differently. But you just need to, as I said, just be kind to yourself and just to be gentle. Yeah to the way that you do parents. That's correct. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And while you're on the topic of resources, and you know, a supportive environment as a society are current support systems and protections sufficient? Why or why not?

Speaker 2:

That's a really good question. I think, with the support system that is around at the moment, there is still so much that can change. In my view, and especially when I found out through the book that I was writing as well there is so mandatory, I guess, community services or any counselling that they go through during that time. It's usually they go through the system, they go through courts and they get released and then they go back into that situation again and they might be acting out because of the home environment. I think our system needs to look into each child more and reframe how we can actually help children who are in that system, for example, by encouraging them to go to counselling, working with their parents to see how the home environment can change, so it can support and rehabilitate children to be better adults as well. And another thing that I thought of is so it can support and rehabilitate children to be better adults as well. And another thing that I thought of is when it comes to issues of domestic and family violence. I think there should be mandatory counselling, substance rehabilitation centres where the person has to go through that before they can have access to children, where they can have access to children, or mandatory parenting class that the person can go through, because such things are not there at the moment which can have a profound impact, because what happens is they go through the legal system and then they get out and most likely they're continuing the behaviour, which can impact the children and family later on. So there needs to be a lot of work that still needs to be done. And schools, for example, victoria has started this project where they're talking about mental health resilience and domestic violence prevention from a young age. I think that should, and it's only in some schools, but I think it should be across all schools so children from a young age do, because we need to remember that not all children have a home environment where they're taught that. So schools taking on accountability and government taking on that accountability to teach the children, that's a huge resource. So I think that should be mandatory. They're trialling it out, but hopefully it'll become mandatory across all schools later on as well.

Speaker 2:

And even workplaces there are little, I guess, are you okay? Days, and I guess for Women's Day, those little days where we do talk about this, but I think there should be some kind of mandatory training or something that's done at work so workers are aware of it so we can look out for each other. So those little things. There is a lot more systematic improvement that we can do, but I guess it needs to start with us as individuals being able to advocate for mental health awareness and domestic violence prevention.

Speaker 2:

So at every conversation, taking that extra time to make sure the people around us are okay and making having deep and meaningful conversation instead of just brushing off and, I guess, calling out behaviours if it is looking wrong or incorrect, that's important as well.

Speaker 2:

Like there are so many times when I look back where I see men or partners talking about the other partner in a offensive way or a rude way and they laugh it off. But in reality, when you look back, I'm thinking, hang on, I've never seen them compliment that partner or say something good. So if this is something that's happening in a public space, what's happening at home? And especially when you do that in front of your children, degrade your partner or the mother of your child or the father of your child, your child grows up thinking that it's okay to accept that behaviour or do that behaviour on their partner in the future. So those little changes that we create in our environment in ourselves that will have a ripple effect in the society, but with society, I think there's a lot more systemic change that we need to do to be where we are when it comes to mental health, resilience and domestic violence prevention.

Speaker 1:

I wonder if all the problems that we are experiencing at the individual, the family and the society level is because we see all these things as disconnected from ourselves or we don't see ourselves as connected to other people and so we have this concept of, you know, don't air your dirty laundry, right? So whatever happens within the home stays in the home and probably, you know, some adults would encourage, discourage the children from speaking out because those are private matters, they are family matters. They should be solved within the family. There should not be strangers, you know, intervening, not even the school. So I'm sure there are. You know there are cultures like that, where all this is considered very shameful, to even to mention it to someone else who is not in the family, to ask for help, to even go to counselling. I know someone who finds it very difficult to seek therapy for their own issues because they find it such a burden to talk about it.

Speaker 1:

You know it's like re-traumatising them, but it also brings a sense of shame that they are a certain age as a mature adult and they still feel that they have to ask for help. It doesn't sit well for them. So. So you know how would someone deal with that, and I imagine it would be a lot more. You know, based on what we talked about, that, that men and boys would find that a bigger problem. Women, I think, have less of a problem opening up and asking for help.

Speaker 2:

That's a really good question, I think, speaking up. Definitely it is difficult for people in the situation where they don't feel supported, because the family environment should be something that they can seek support and grow from. So when it comes to mental health, resilience and domestic violence prevention, it does have to start from a young age. But in order for that to start, we need to make sure that we can heal from our own trauma. Just being aware of that and accessing resources where we can look at ourselves and spend a little bit of time to see if we are doing the right things as parents and caregivers is so important.

Speaker 2:

A lot of people become parents without being ready to evolve into better people. You need to retrain the way that you're raised and the way that you see society in order to raise children. In my point, even if you're not ready, you need to be ready to evolve into that person. A lot of people just uh, it's. A lot of people think that it is a, it's a, I guess, a societal um uh lineage, how it's been done. This is what you should do. You know you have kids, get married, do this this way, but sometimes you don't have to do things the way that it has been taught to you. You need to be like, have children when you are ready to do that. And when it comes to not having the supportive environment, just remember that vulnerability is a strength and you deserve a better life.

Speaker 2:

If something is not happening to you that is unfair or if you're being treated wrong, it is okay to seek help and support and overcome that adversity and be resilient. If you're a perpetrator who is doing that behaviour, just know that it is wrong, because the family is the most important, I guess, company or corporate structure that you are living in every single day. So it's important that you provide a safe environment for every single person that is living in that family environment. And it is when you look at I think social media is another factor that it's always a happy scene that you see every single day. So it doesn't allow you to speak about any issues that are happening to you. So people think that you need to hide your emotions or any issues that you're going through at home instead of talking about it.

Speaker 2:

But it is okay to talk about issues and situation and, as parents, if you have made any mistakes, so if there there is room for improvement, there is professional help out there for you to seek the support and change, and it may be because of your unhealed trauma that you're behaving in that particular way, or your own upbringing or your own view of a situation that may have led to the way that you're behaving. But there is always the opportunity to change and become a better person. But there is always the opportunity to change and become a better person. So that's what you need to see, and family support is so important. So the only way that we can change the way that we create a safe space is for ourselves to heal and become better individuals. Unless we do that, it's really hard to create that safe environment for families. I believe yeah.

Speaker 1:

So we're looking at this from a micro perspective as to what the individual can do, and what you're talking about is self-responsibility that grows out of self-awareness. So as soon as you become aware that something is not right or something could be better, or I could be better, then it's up to us to make that change from ourselves, because we can't control what other people do and we maybe, you know we can't control the external environment very much but we can certainly control ourselves and we can decide how we want to be. And then the problem then becomes yes, I am exerting my own positive ripples, but I am one person. How do I influence the people around me, as well as the wider structure, the organization I belong to, the school that my children go to? How do I influence so that more people are able to access this kind of support and start empowering themselves, empowering their own families and changing the system, because the system is the hardest one to change. It just feels like this big, amorphous, non-human entity that has so much power and influence in our daily lives.

Speaker 2:

I think one of the things that we can do is lead by example. So show consistency between your words and your actions so people can see what's happening and handle situations with grace and honesty. So it can inspire other people a little bit at a time, and I think you can collaborate with other people who are already empowering and leading change, and that allows you to advocate for the things that you believe in. And another situation is, I think, be a source of positivity. Maintain positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. Maintain positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. There will be opportunities where you can give your feedback and your thoughts. For example, if a school is running some kind of workshop, have a chat to the school and see how you can positively contribute to that workshop or encourage the school to take part in it. And I think it's so important to share your knowledge and expertise to guide others. It doesn't have to be in a loud way. It could be like in a little blog writing or I write for the west side of newspapers. For anyone who may find it interesting to read about these topics, there's always podcasts or radio shows that you can listen to, that you can connect with them and share your views as well. Just, I think more important is having that connection and being able to stay open to learning and be willing to learn from others and share your knowledge not only for your own growth but hopefully to inspire others as well and be consistent and reliable. So follow through your commitments, build trust and credibility so you can continue to advocate for your, for what you believe in and for the change that you believe in.

Speaker 2:

And just don't think that your voice is not heard. If there is anything that you see or hear that is not right, it's always important to call out that behaviour as well. So the little changes that you create in everyday situation people may see the changes that you're creating and approach you for thoughts and feedback on how you can contribute to that particular. I guess to be part of an organization that may create a change. So it just starts with uh little changes that you create every day so you can inspire others in a meaningful way and uh to reach their full potential as well. So, but the change starts with you and then it goes on to uh the way that you can contribute to other organizations or other people and influence them in a positive way. That's yeah, that's what I think, serena, I think.

Speaker 1:

I picked up three strands there that are important to amplify. The first one you mentioned was the growth mindset, and that is that we ourselves, as parents, as individuals, need to continually stay open to learning. I think at the very beginning of this conversation, you also talked about how the world has evolved and we need to evolve along with it.

Speaker 1:

And so sometimes, as parents, we can get so busy, distracted, weighed down by, you know, concerns. It's the small, small things that add up. What am I going to cook for dinner tonight? You know who's going to pick up the child from childcare. You know having to read a school newsletter or be on the app or the parents chat to find out what's the latest thing that's happening. What forms do I need to sign, what report needs to be submitted. It's all the weight of all these little things.

Speaker 1:

But on top of that, then, to still be able to say I want to keep learning, I want to stay curious, I want to keep growing as a person, as a parent, and that means I need to be investing in knowledge, I need to be reading what else is happening, what are other people doing, what is the new theory or something helpful that's being shared? And then you mentioned advocating, but with integrity, meaning that we are walking our talk. We need to be that role model. First, we need to be tidying up our own internal you know our own internal messes. You know healing ourselves, doing that inner work, and then, from that place of integrity, we're able to advocate for others in a stronger way, because then, when we speak, we're actually speaking from a place of I've done this work. That's why I can talk about it. I'm not just telling other people to do things that I'm not myself practicing, because that comes from a place of non-integrity. So those, I think, are really important.

Speaker 1:

And then I think you mentioned also the being able to influence or partner with, collaborate with others, and that's amplifying our personal power, because by ourselves we may think, you know, my voice is so quiet or I'm just one person. But when we partner with other people who are walking that same journey, thinking the same thoughts, aspiring to the same sorts of goals, then I think there is great power. And that's why the village is so important. We're not meant to do things alone or to live alone or to solve problems alone. The village is there to support every person and we are part of that village. We are also contributing to making that village stronger. So you raise some really good points there.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Serena.

Speaker 1:

So if you could wave a magic wand, Deborah, and change anything, what would that be?

Speaker 2:

If I could wave a magic wand, I think I would create a world where mental health care is free and universally accessible for everyone and, I think, where children grow up learning empathy, respect and conflict resolutions which can eradicate family and domestic violence. Later on, when I was writing my book, there was a research that was done in 2006 by Anda and some experts. They show that interventions in childhood significantly reduces violence and improve mental health and outcomes in adulthood. So I think those are the two factors that I would bring in, if I have a magic wand, to sure that every that we can break that generational cycle of violence, to better equip children to be better adults and as and of course, society's evolving so much and things are changing. But I think these are the two things that I would bring universally accessible mental health care and also a better environment for children to grow up so they can be better individuals growing up. So these are the two things that I would bring.

Speaker 1:

Fantastic. And as our listeners are mostly introverts, what are your thoughts on the connection between introversion and how we grew up?

Speaker 2:

Sure, I think when we look at introverts, society too often labels them a certain way like disengaged, but in reality, if you look at a lot of introverts, they are the deep thinkers, they're the creators and they're the people who feel reality better than the rest of us. And a lot of introverts bring calm to chaos, and they do listen deeply and they see the world in a different way. So I think if you're listening today, you felt defined by your quiet nature. I want to tell you you actually have a superpower and when it comes to mental health advocacy and family violence prevention, you can be someone who can have the tools to help others heal and grow. For example, being an introvert, you can create a safe emotional space for someone to have a conversation with you because you have better listening skills and you can support that person when it comes to the way that they express what's happening to them and practice assertiveness. Introverts often avoid confrontation, so, but setting specific boundaries can allow others to express their needs in situations where they feel safe, because you will always be someone who is able to practice assertiveness in situations as well. And I think introverts can reflect on their nature by identifying patterns in their family history. By understanding these patterns, they can take conscious steps to create a more stable and positive environment for their own family as well. Because they're deep thinkers, they do analyse the situation much better than other people. So being an introvert while advocating for family and domestic violence can be a wonderful opportunity for people to find strength in their quietness and break down the cycle of violence and introverts.

Speaker 2:

I think they also have the ability to work behind the scenes with advocacy by excelling in research, for example, writing or creating awareness through blogs or social media or other platforms, where they don't have to have that face-to-face interaction, but their creativity and writing skills can have such a profound impact. So that's something that, if you are interested in this field of advocacy, you can do as well. And I think it's so important to focus on the quality over quantity. So introverts often prefer smaller, deeper engagements instead of larger gatherings. So this approach can lead to long-lasting in a close knit communities or individuals rather than the bigger impacts.

Speaker 2:

And also you can build connections and networking with people who like to speak up and but show your support by doing any other work behind the scenes to advocate for mental health awareness and domestic violence prevention. So there's so much that you can do with your introversion, and I have a friend who grew up in a conflict environment who felt that her quietness was actually not a strength, but growing up she realised that she has a lot of skills where she can bring to the society. In fact, being quiet is her strength. So introversion is not about limitation, it's a gift. Where you're raising a family, you're pursuing your dreams or simply trying to heal from the past, your ability can really reflect, listen and grow as a strength, and it's something that the world needs in this current situation. I think you can be an introvert and contribute so much to the society.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much, Deborah, for that. Tell us more about your book Raising Resilient Families what inspired you to write it, who to read it and where can people get a copy?

Speaker 2:

so, uh. So my book, um, it's a deeply personal exploration of breaking generational cycle of trauma and um the importance of raising children with empathy and resilience. And I started writing um more um as a therapeutic outlet and I thought, um, I was looking into how I can become a better parent as well and I realized there's not a book that handles mental health awareness and domestic violence prevention together. And, through my therapist, I started writing little paragraphs which turned into chapters and this incredible book and it's based on evidence-based research covering each chapter. And then there are little practical tools that parents, educators and community leaders can foster to um that's in that book, um into their everyday life as well.

Speaker 2:

And uh, with the book Raising Resilient Family, I had someone who one asked me um, it says Raisinging Brazilian Family, so is the book for families? So that was a good question For family. It doesn't have to. When we look at the family format, it doesn't have to be the traditional mom, dad and children.

Speaker 2:

Household. Family has evolved so much. It could be a single parent household or a household where grandparents or uncles and aunts step in as carers or same-sex parents raising children. So the household has evolved so much and the community is a family when you think about it, when you, when my son goes to daycare, so that daycare is part of the family that is helping me raise my son. So family is about connection, support and love, regardless of how the structure is.

Speaker 2:

So that's why I named the book Raising Brazilian Families to celebrate these diverse families, break the cycles of domestic violence and advocate for mental health. And I think a positive family unit doesn't have to. It doesn't reflect who's in it. It it's more the um, how the family is, um how much care, love and support that it um gives to the child so they can grow up to be stronger and healthy individuals in the society. And I hope that this book um is a call of action and it does inspire individuals and organization, educators and caregivers or anyone who plays a role in shaping a child, to be more empowered about their own decisions me, be more empathetic and be more accountable with their own healing, so they can be better role models. And this book is available on amazon online and booktopia as well, and you can also directly message me on Instagram or Facebook to get it at a discounted price.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. Thank you so much, and of course we'll attach all those links in the show notes as well. Now my final question to you for today, deborah, because this podcast is called the Quiet Warrior Podcast. What is a quiet warrior to you?

Speaker 2:

For me, I see a quiet warrior as a person who they don't wear armor and they don't charge at a battle. They're someone who fights battles in a silent but resilient and compassionate way and they lead by example, advocating for change in ways that ripple through families and communities in a quiet way. And a quiet warrior is someone who chooses to listen before they speak. And we live in a world where stigma often silences those struggling with mental health challenges or domestic violence. So for too long, I think, victims have felt trapped in shame, unable to share their stories. But awareness starts with acknowledgement, so it recognises that mental health isn't a weakness and domestic violence is never justified. And I think, being a quiet warrior, you can challenge harmful cycles, especially in families, by teaching children empathy, respect and accountability. So a quiet warrior could be someone who's a mother who's teaching their child the vulnerability of strength in a quiet environment. A quiet warrior could be a friend who's supporting someone in a toxic, calm relationship, as I've said before, by being a listening ear, by taking down the knots and giving them the resources that they need to hopefully get out of that situation that they're in. A quiet warrior could be someone who is working behind the scenes in the community by offering resources to those who are in need.

Speaker 2:

So in my own life as well, I found that healing through advocacy is so important.

Speaker 2:

So I think being a quiet warrior it doesn't mean that you fight alone.

Speaker 2:

It's about inspiring others to join the movement, step by step, one conversation at a time, by taking small actions, so those small actions can lead to more stronger communities. And and if you're listening today, I encourage you to think about how you can be a quiet warrior in your life for whatever advocacy, whatever things that you believe in, and just remember that you can extend a hand to someone struggling or teach your children values that counteract violence and stigma, or advocate for mental health resources in your workplace or community by being in that one-on-one setting, by being a quiet warrior who is advocating for change. And your quiet strength does matter, and every step that you take towards mental health awareness and domestic violence prevention, it can make a huge difference to someone, because they may need that quiet strength that you have and the support that you're giving in order to come out of that situation or get help if they are going through struggles, and I think together we can raise and foster hope and build a future without violence with the strength that Quiet Warriors bring into our life every day.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much, Deborah, for bringing your light, your wisdom, your experience and your perspective to the Quiet Warrior podcast today and teaching us about how we can improve and strengthen resilience and mental health and that connection, I think, between ourselves and the village and realizing that we are not alone but at the same time, that even as individuals, we have so much to contribute, so much that we can pass on, that we can teach others in the same way that others are also teaching us, and so we are all part of that collective village of wisdom and there is hope and there are plenty of resources, there's support out there but we also do need to ask for the help that we need, and because we're deserving of that help and we're not meant to walk this journey alone.

Speaker 1:

So thank you so much for coming today and for sharing with all of us. Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Serena, and again thank you for the opportunity to share about my book and my journey, and I really admire the way that you amplify voices and empower others, and it's such an inspiring work that you're doing. So I'm grateful that I have connected with you and let's continue to shine a light on these issues and inspire meaningful conversations in the future. Thank you, serena, for the opportunity.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, and that was another episode of the Quiet Warrior podcast. If you've enjoyed today's episode, if you've learned something from Deborah's story, please review and rate this podcast on the listening app that you're using, and I'll see you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together, we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.