The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

92. Emotional Intelligence for Introverted Leaders (Emily Erstad)

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

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In this episode of The Quiet Warrior Podcast, Serena speaks with Emily Erstad—speech language pathologist, hospice executive director, and author of It’s Not That Deep: Navigating Leadership Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence.

Drawing from her experiences in rehabilitation and Hospice care, Emily shares how emotional intelligence shapes effective leadership, especially in high-pressure environments. As an introvert, she opens up about navigating vulnerability, protecting peace, and finding courage to lead authentically without sacrificing one’s core nature.

This conversation is full of practical wisdom for introverts, quiet achievers, and leaders seeking to build psychologically safe, resilient, and emotionally intelligent teams.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

  • The Journey to Leadership – How Emily’s career in speech pathology evolved into leadership and authorship.
     
  • Emotional Intelligence at Work – Why self-awareness, vulnerability, and honesty are the foundation of strong leadership.
     
  • Introversion as Strength – How introverts can leverage observation, reflection, and stillness to lead effectively.
     
  • Vulnerability and Trust – Why choosing the right people to open up to builds trust, fosters growth, and helps you feel seen.
     
  • Protecting Your Peace – Practical ways introverts can manage energy, create boundaries, have hard conversations, and build intentional clarity in leadership.
     
  • The Equalizer Effect – How introverts bring stillness, calm, and psychological safety to teams and families.
     
  • From Book to Movement – Why Emily wrote It’s Not That Deep and her upcoming project In Too Deep for introverts.

Connect with Emily

It’s Not That Deep – Find it on Amazon 

Instagram: @itsnotthatdeep_author 

LinkedIn: Emily Erstad 

Introvert Resources:

For more resources to support your Quiet Warrior journey, join The Visible Introvert newsletter at serenalow.com.au.


This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, I'm Serena Lowe. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, antisocial, and lack good communication and leadership skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with a calm, introspective, and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique, and powerful about being an introvert and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work, anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible. Welcome. Our guest today is Emily Aristad, a speech language pathologist, executive director of a hospice, and published author of It's Not That Deep Navigating Leadership Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence. Managing the chaotic environments of rehabilitation and hospice has given Emily the experience to master emotional intelligence as a leadership skill. And she's passionate about bridging the gap between emotional intelligence and leadership to build a profitable and passionate healthcare team. Welcome Emily to the Quiet Warrior Podcast. It's so good to have you here. Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here. Emily, would you like to tell us a bit about how you come to do what you do? What's the story behind it?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. Um so I initially became a speech language pathologist, just really passionate about meeting people where they were at, you know, in a in a harsh time of their lives and being able to partner with them in healing. And uh essentially I went because I didn't think I wanted to get into management. I went in thinking I'm gonna do therapy so that I can still have this benefit of building people up without the chaos of management and uh how wrong I was because everywhere I went, I kept finding myself in these opportunities uh for managerial roles and really started loving it. It was a part of myself that I feel like I maybe neglected, right? Um, and so as I started going through this managerial role, I realized how similar it was to therapy and partnering and growing leaders and you know, having the self-awareness that you need to go on these journeys, uh, which kind of prompted me to write my book, It's Not That Deep. Uh and, you know, when I wrote that book, it was truly just the intention of these are my thoughts. I want to remember these thoughts. I'm gonna publish this self-published author to remember this by. And maybe somebody will connect with this, right? And so I've been sharing it with employees, friends, and really getting a lot of positive feedback, which has just really shaped who I am as a leader and has really started paving the path to get on podcasts like these and really connect with people and share my story.

SPEAKER_01:

That's wonderful. And we'll make sure to have a link to your book in the show notes as well so people can check out your book. I'm curious to know though, do you identify as an introvert? And has that changed at all over the years?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, um, I would say as a child, I was definitely an introvert. Um I'm someone that loves time in nature, loves time in my own head, loves time. Um I just feel so recharged listening, you know, reading a good book or listening to music on a on the side of a hill, whatever that is, where I'm just alone with my thoughts. Um, I never really get sick of those moments in time. But as I grew up, I I noted around me like extroverts, people that maybe seemed extroverted, I should say, um, really got a lot of attention and opportunity that I craved. And so it was a learned skill that I became to love, right? That I come to love is to start interacting with people and gaining so much from that and loving those interactions, but also feeling very drained when I didn't take the breaks that I needed. Um, I'm not someone that recharges from conversation. I'm someone that needs a moment to reflect and gather my thoughts. Um, so I definitely have this really bubbly outgoing personality that I've developed over time. But I would say to my core, I really enjoy my peace and my solstice.

SPEAKER_01:

So beautiful. And what does it take for an introvert to express our emotions? Because, you know, as we as we know, introverts, quiet achievers, we have a tendency towards overthinking, overanalyzing. It is when we are in solitude by ourselves, reflecting, that is our best, you know, that's our best time, that's the best space to be in. But as a leader and as the leader of a team, how do you then navigate that? Because you have to deal with people, you have to manage them, you have to lead them. And at the same time, how do you also process your own uh emotions and the need to reflect?

SPEAKER_00:

I think introverts bring a very unique strength to the table is that we have a phenomenal sense of self-awareness. We know ourselves so wholly, and that knowledge is a great foundation to meet people where they're at, uh, which is a crucial skill for any leader. You know, when you when you build a team, you have all different types of people and all different types of walks of life, right? And it takes you being able to get out of your own way and meeting them where they're at to kind of form a bond, right? And how do we form that bond? Well, it's being vulnerable. Uh, and I think a lot of people that are introverted, I'm speaking for myself, but I'm sure a lot could relate. Vulnerability is not our favorite place to be. We're vulnerable with ourselves, but we don't share that with the world. Uh, we have these deep thoughts that it takes a lot of energy just to get people on the same page as us. And I think that's where we kind of we have so much genius that we keep inside, um, out of fear, maybe, or maybe out of lack of energy. Maybe I think there's a lot of reasons. Uh, but I think, you know, that self-awareness that you develop as an introvert through your entire life, there's so many lessons to be learned and wisdom to be gained and knowledge to share, that we're really shooting ourselves in the foot, for lack of a better term, not getting out there and sharing, sharing those, those thoughts, those ideas. You know, we're observant people that gain a lot of knowledge from our environments. And that's a skill that a lot of leaders need, you know. So I think my intention in sharing this story is to to kind of put a call to action out to these introverts that I know has so much to offer, uh, but can't get out of our own way because we're stuck in our own heads.

SPEAKER_01:

You did mention fear, and I think that's a huge one for introverts and the quiet achievers, because if I want to be vulnerable, if I want to disclose things about myself that make me feel less powerful or a little bit weak, or you know, show some sign of weakness, that makes me feel somehow diminished. So how would I how would I get around that? How would I feel safe to be vulnerable with the people that I work with and interact with?

SPEAKER_00:

I think you have to choose those people carefully. Not everyone deserves that energy from you. Uh, and I think it takes time, you know. I talk about this in my book, like the spectrum between transparency and vulnerability. And I think we're very transparent people when we allow that to happen. It it requires building a sense of confidence in yourself. That you're so sure of who you are. And I think we are, but it's okay to let people see you, you know. Vulnerability is when we start tying those emotions and those deep thoughts to that transparency. Vulnerability is essential because that's where trust is built. And when you start building that trust, you can be more vulnerable. And I think it's crucial to have those people in your life where you have the opportunity for feedback or they really see your core, right? And when those relationships start building and you find your tribe, your people, it feeds into your confidence to be more transparent. But I won't lie, you've you've got to burn yourself a couple of times with the wrong people to find the right people. And it is a fearful experience. And how do we do that? I think it's different for each person. Um, for me, it was moving across the country uh and really just confronting some of my largest fears and deciding who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. Uh, some of the tools, you know, journaling, journaling has always been something. It's one thing to think things, it's another to read them. It's another to read those same thoughts three months later and learn a new lesson from those. And if you're learning those lessons, why are you keeping that from other people? It's kind of selfish in a way, if you think about it. And that doesn't mean to exploit yourself. Uh, it means offer the opportunity to a select few and piecemeal it. Start just little by little. You don't have to, you know, jump into managing a whole team. It might be you, and then because of your skills of identifying a strong person, they counterbalance you. And then in that team, you you, in that partnership you develop, you build this beautiful team that accomplishes great goals. Uh, but I think it's crucial to know your weaknesses, know your strengths, and then build systems and environments that exacerbate your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

SPEAKER_01:

What I heard you say is the importance of self-awareness. So we need to know ourselves so well that we know what we're good at, what we're not so good at, be very honest about that, be transparent about that, and build a team around that. Because I also heard you say the you know, it's uh it's to do with something bigger than ourselves. There's a spirit of service that's underlying what you're talking about, a sense of we're all here together for a common purpose. Let's help each other. If I'm not good at this, but you are, then you take the lead in this particular aspect. And if I'm good at something else, then I will be the one to step up in that. And so that way we complement each other and we're working as a team, really in the good sense, very holistic sense of working together.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I would agree. And I think um it is a bigger picture than just us. And I think that can feel diminishing at times if you have an ego. But if you see the bigger picture, you're so thankful because it's not all about you. And that is so relieving, right? Like if it was all about you all the time, wouldn't that be a lot of weight to bear? Uh, and I think that's a gift, and it's a gift that you don't know at all. It's a gift that you can bring something to the table that someone else might not have. Um, and I think if you can see it in that lens, it really takes the fear out of it, right? Because you're just bringing something to the table and offering it without any strings attached. And if it's not the right fit, you move on, right? You move on. You didn't lose, you didn't gain. But when you find that right fit, it multiplies that effect times 10, 20, 30, whatever that is. And you find your purpose. And isn't that worth it to feel fulfilled and be inspired and find your purpose and have a momentum that's so great that it's bigger than you and bigger than your team and bigger whatever than whatever it might be. Um, I think we get so caught up in the details, we miss the big picture sometimes. And I think that's introverts' biggest fault. Fault is, you know, we get so caught up on the what ifs that we we would have and could have and should have all day that we never tried. And I don't know about you, but I'm not really interested in living a life where I regret it because I never got over my own thoughts and my own fears. And I think that's the point I had to come to is I can either fear this and stay inside my head that my whole life, or I can get over it and adapt and build skills and find things that I'm good at to communicate my message, right? Did I think that was going to be writing a book? Did I think that was going to be leading a hospice team? Oh no, no, no, no. But here I am and I wouldn't take it back. I mean, it's definitely probably some of the hardest, most vulnerable things I've ever done. Um, but I'm also so grateful for the opportunity because it's made me a better person.

SPEAKER_01:

So what you're saying also is being vulnerable is actually the opposite of uh ego. And I think the problem for a lot of us, even those of us that are trying our best and very well-meaning and coming at it with good intentions, we still place too much emphasis on ourselves. So we allow the label to restrict us, we allow the label to stop us trying things, we allow the fear of somebody else's opinion to keep us small. And I think what you're saying is particularly uh true in the context of the work that you do in hospice, because uh isn't it also true that you know the the top regret of people on their deathbeds is the things that they didn't get to do, they didn't the things they didn't try. And I think that fear needs to be put side by side with that possible regret because you don't get that chance to go back in time and do something different. So I think when I think of it like that, then it it gives me a bit more courage than the fear. And so in that moment I can choose differently.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I I mean I think the beauty of this is you get to choose, right? And I think our cultures, life, whatever, the world, how we work is we we don't so desperately want to understand things, we're quick to label and put it in a box. Uh, two things can be true at the same time, right? You can be an introverted person that acts as an extrovert. You can be someone that's fearful, that takes takes risks. Um, you don't have to be one or the other. And I think you can take pieces and slide along that spectrum to meet the needs of your environment, your goals, your family, your personal interests, whatever that might be. Um, but how freeing that not everything has to be black and white. And I think when you can get out of the fear, are are you fearing something or is it something more? Is there a root issue that's going on here? Is it anxiety or is a lack of understanding? Like, what really is it? There's a lot of value in completely acknowledging what that fear is. Like for myself, I have an intense drive, always have. I write books, I'm a therapist, I'm a this, I'm a that. And um it's because I have a fear that I'm not gonna achieve my highest potential, you know, and I I don't know why I have this fear, because if you looked at me from the outside, you'd be like, well, she's accomplished more than most people at her age. Like, what's the deal? But I just know in my heart that it's not enough. And you could look at me as, oh, she's not grateful. No, it's just that my drive and my purpose is so much bigger than me. And I think when you start to think in that context and you get kind of zoom out and get over yourself in that aspect. And I keep saying get over yourself, but it truly is that. Like you're stuck in your own head for something that if you just talk to the person next to you, they might relate to you and you could help each other, right? And and it's not that simple, always, right? Like we've all been burned. There's a reason we stay inside. You don't want people's opinions on your peace, you don't want people's opinions on your thoughts, you don't want people to judge you. I get it. But if you could model curiosity over judgment and peace over fear, how else are we gonna change the world? How else are we gonna coexist? How else, if not you, then who? Right. And I think that's where introverts, and I think it's an interesting term, even. I even hate using the term introvert, but it's what we have, and that's how we understand it. But you just you appreciate things in such a way that is so valuable in such a fast-paced culture that's it's never enough. And so if you can find that balance and you can help balance that scale, well, how phenomenal, and what a great opportunity. And I think we do need to step up and and share that insight.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think that's very aligned with uh the purpose of this podcast, which is to help introverts and quiet achievers, to elevate into quiet warriors, because like you say, there is a purpose that's bigger than ourselves. And so we can't just look at the label and say, I'm an introvert, I can't do public speaking, or I'm shy, or I can't do networking, or I can't do sales. Because sometimes it's not about us, sometimes it's about other people, sometimes there's something bigger at stake, and sometimes we are the only person who is qualified or present or able to step up and so step up we must. So the question then is stepping up makes us the introvert feel visible, and visibility brings a sense of vulnerability. So you mentioned about peace. So, how how do you protect your peace when you're out there leading?

SPEAKER_00:

Some days are better than others. It's trial and error. I don't have it all figured out. I can tell you strategies I've used. Um, writing this book for some reason was a strategy that worked for me because I felt like if I'm so authentic to my core and I just put that out there, it is what it is, right? People can take it or leave it. And there's a there's a freedom in that because it's in writing. There's also an opinion associated with that that can hurt. Um, so I think it's it's honestly just being real with yourself and that nobody likes everyone, and that's okay. But when you find people that align with you, when you find communities that see your value, when you find people that you can truly be yourself in, you win and they win. And would you rather deprive yourself of that or take the risk and find that and feel fulfilled? Because I think being an introvert can be very isolating, can feel very lonely, can be very nostalgic, can be very, it can be like a tortured soul complex when you're out there by yourself. And you know, some of us kind of enjoy that. I'm one of those. I love a long drive with a sad play music, like playlists and music. Like I love those moments, but I also feel like because I've had those moments, I can also appreciate the highs of the inspiration and the impact I've been able to have. And so if you're asking how to protect your peace, you chase inspiration, you chase the things that light your soul on fire, and you find people that partner with you that get you there. And sometimes those people are forever people, sometimes those people are there for a season. But if you're doing what you love and you constantly pursue love with the intention of doing good and being better, there's no loss there. There's lessons learned, there's pain, but you're not losing, you're gaining. And I think that's an abundant mindset. And I think when you sit in your own thoughts, it's easy to be scarce because there's only you, right? That's a scarcity mindset. Whereas if you get to the point that you see that other people have similar thoughts and similar walks of life, and and we can relate and heal through this process. Well, thank God, right? I mean, thankfully, that is an opportunity. And so I think we're really diminishing ourselves by not offering ourselves that opportunity. So if you're gonna fear something, fear loss of something that's so great because you couldn't get over yourself, fear that. Don't fear putting yourself out there because I promise you, someone's gonna res, it's gonna resonate with someone you might not even know. You know, they talk about acts of kindness and that carries through. This is the same concept, guys. Why take that opportunity from yourself or someone around you?

SPEAKER_01:

I think this ties again to that element of the moral obligation and the service that tiny as we are in the bigger, bigger scheme of things, we still have a role to play. And there is a reason why we're here with our own very unique set of traits. And that quietness that, as you say, in a very rushed and chaotic world is a bound to someone else's soul. Just the way you speak, just the way I speak, and you know, some the way someone else receives by listening to our tone and our calmness and our watching our demeanor, I think that's uh a blessing to someone else. So you're right. So who are we to deprive someone else of that blessing? Because we too have received someone else's blessings and support, even if we never met them. So, as a leader, as a communicator, do you find that you have to put on a persona at work? How does that work?

SPEAKER_00:

Um yes and no. I think it's not a persona in my mind. I think initially it was. I put a face on to go to work. Uh, that wasn't effective, right? I if you if you're putting more energy into masking, then you are genuinely being who you are to be the best version of yourself to for others, you know, that's kind of a waste of your time and a waste of your resources because they are limited, especially when you're an introvert. Um, so I think I just had to radically approach situations with just honest, honest. And I've always been a very honest person, but honest feedback, honest intention, clear goals. And I think that clarity allowed me and that consistency allowed me to take a step back when necessary to be the visionary that I am. Um, so that consistency, that routine, and just people call me and they know what they're gonna get. I'm not spending time re-identifying myself with someone every time they call me. And I think when you can stop doing that, it really conserves that energy that us introverts put out there because I think we do have this perception of, well, I have to be this person in this group and this person in that group. No, you don't. You can still be you. You might have to say a little bit more than you're used to, but put the energy towards saying a little bit more. Don't put that energy towards being somebody you're not. And that comes with a lot of self-reflection and a lot of understanding what you like and what you don't about yourself, you know? And and there's things I don't love about like we we all have those pieces. We work on them, we change them. Some things are just non-negotiables. That's just who you are, and you have to keep it that way, and that's okay too. Um, but I think just being consistent in who I was gave me the energy and the bandwidth to level up in other areas that I wouldn't have normally done. So, you know, like confrontation, for example. Obviously in the workplace, and I don't, I don't even know if I like the word confrontation, but you know, you you have hard conversations at work all the time. But if you're approaching them with the intention of understanding and saying, okay, you know, I know who you are, I've seen your work ethic. This is the expectation and this is what you're doing. Make that make sense. Tell me the story, what's going on? That makes a conversation a lot easier and a lot less stressful for an introvert instead of coming at them like, I'm your boss, tell me why you're doing this. You're not doing what I said to do, you're fired, whatever, right? I think when you have this intentional clarity through day one of your relationships, um, it offers a foundation to have these conversations that don't have to be so emotionally charged. Because isn't the goal not to do the highs and the lows? The goal is to kind of stay in the middle. And I think that's where introverts thrive. And there is, we kind of talked about the season of stillness that we offer. Use that as the piece and the foundation to build these teams so that we don't have reactive people in confrontation, be a proactive versus a reactive leader. And you won't have these masking scenarios or being someone you're not because you have such a strong foundation in the stillness that you can create. And that's honestly a lesson I've been learning recently.

SPEAKER_01:

I think when you talk about the strong foundation and creating that kind of um atmosphere for people, you're also referring to psychological safety, how creating that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I think um we're really good at creating that for ourselves, introverts. You know, we're daydreamers, we stay in our head, we have a gift to be able to create really safe spaces. So, how can we build a framework to do that for others that maybe don't have that insight, you know? And I think consistency, clean processes at the workplace, but also can generalize to your home, right? Um, but knowing what you get when you walk into stressful situations takes that emotionality and that energy out of it that I think stresses us introverts out so much. I think it's we feel things so deeply and so harshly, it's like hard to even understand how you would feel somebody else's pain too. And it's like, well, how can we, how can we kind of even the playing field so that we can have these conversations in the safe space and problem solve real time without having to do all that other piece, you know, um, the highs and the lows, the emotion, the anger, whatever it might be. Um, we have a real gift to be a mediator of sorts, an equalizer. And we need more of that in in today's day, you know, and and I think it's easier to do it for ourselves, but start with your family, start with your spouse, start with your friend, start somewhere and build out from that because you that skill set we have is so necessary in a in a world that we live in now.

SPEAKER_01:

I like what you call the equalizer effect. So I agree also that the building out has to start from within because it's when we are able to regulate ourselves, our own emotions, our own thoughts, that we can then let it ripple out into our relationships, our you know, family, our work relationships, and create that kind of safety in the middle without those highs and lows you refer to, because we are good at holding space in the middle, we're good at uh protecting, including, facilitating, helping others feel that uh it's okay you're safe here, it's okay to speak your mind, you know, to express yourself, to be yourself. And you're right, that is very rare. Because with everything that is happening, there is a sense of an emotionally charged atmosphere that people are walking through constantly with their senses and feeling assaulted all the time. And there is this contagious effect that we talked about before the interview, too. That other people's negativity, other people's fears, other people's anxiety, they overlap with ours, so they intersect and we affect each other. So if we can be the ones that take care of ourselves first and then also create that kind of space and safety for other people, then we are effectively expanding that safety bubble for more people, the ones that we cross paths with.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's kind of like a force field, you know, it's kind of cool if you think about it. It's like you are choosing to dictate the energy of that environment because you do have the power to do that, you know, with your words, your actions. And I kind of want to speak about too, you know, we talk about servant leadership a lot. And I think it's a very valuable skill, and a lot of introverts do that, but I think where we go wrong is we're so focused on everyone else, we forget about ourselves and we're just it's like that pouring from a cup with a hole in the bottom, right? Like, how are you supposed to pour if you have a give people, give away energy when you have none, right? And so, you know, it has to start with you first. You have to find a way to protect your peace. And it's gonna take practice and it's gonna take duck dipping your toe into an uncomfortable situation and working on your resilience. It's gonna work on, it's gonna be being journaling and having really radical honesty with yourself of what your goals are and where you want to be. It's gonna take sharing some of these deep thoughts with someone you trust, despite how uncomfortable it is. You know, I there's been recent friendships in my life that I, gosh, I thought I was an open book. I thought I told people things about myself. And man, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. And to really show myself to people, um, I'm a very guarded person. And uh my calling right now is to show people who I am. And I love it and I hate it, you know, because you're you're offering opportunity for people to comment on your thoughts, your actions, your your clothes, your, you know, whatever. It's like as soon as you open that gate, feedback comes. We are really good at that. Um, and that's a great quality, you know, and it's good to accept feedback. I just would caution you as well, introverts, when you start opening yourself up to that kind of feedback. Only take advice from people you want to be like. Only take feedback from people you trust. Don't go on the internet and start asking people questions. You're not gonna like what you hear, you know. I think be intentional with who you're talking to and who you're vulnerable with. Don't make the mistakes I did of half-hazard vulnerability with people that didn't deserve my energy. It caused me to be so introverted and so guarded that I didn't even know who I was. I wouldn't even let myself see me because I was so scared of what I would see. And that's not a good place to be either. And I think we can be our biggest enemies, trapping ourselves in our own thoughts and the fear of who we are. What do you have to fear? It's you. Nobody has to live with you but you. So what's the big deal? You know, and if there's something that is so fearful that you don't like about yourself, and that's why you can't show people, get some perspective. Because, you know, you'd be surprised at how many people can relate to some of the craziest things you've ever thought because they've lived it too. Stop demonizing yourself into feeling like you're alone. You're not alone. And I think that's where, you know, I always felt like this torn of I'm an extrovert and I want to be this outgoing person because I love the connection in a way until I don't. And then I'm like, I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't. And I think introverts do that a lot when we're testing the waters. And then we go home. I always was talking to you about this. You sit on your couch at night and like reprocess every conversation you had that day and think, I shouldn't have said this. Oh gosh, I was too vulnerable here. Oh gosh, what did they think about that? No, no, no, no, no. I'm proud of you. You should be proud of you for even having the courage to open up. And that's that reframing that has to happen consciously. And when your thoughts start racing like that, because they will write them down and then tell yourself why they're not true. Call that friend up and say, This is what I'm thinking. Am I nuts? Like they're going to tell you no, because they know your soul and they know who you are and they know your intention. So give people that opportunity so that you can grow.

SPEAKER_01:

I think you're so right because you know, at the at the start of our interview, you talked about how introverts often feel isolated and we think we are the only ones with this problem. But as soon as we open up, we realize how many people actually resonate with the things we share about. And I particularly notice that the more I'm able to be vulnerable about some really raw stuff, messy stuff, the more people actually open up and share that they too are going through something similar. Or it's been so helpful. Thank you for talking about that. Thank you for bringing some light to that. You know, at least I know I'm not alone. And that is the truth. You know, we we have this idea that everything we're suffering is we are the only ones that are suffering it. We're the we're the only ones that are enduring this, or we are the weird ones. But actually, a lot of us walk around with this kind of uh feeling that we are we somehow don't belong. And so the importance of you know, the supportive network you talked about, having a community, having even a few people that uh understand you so well, you don't have to explain yourself and as you call it, re-identify yourself every time. They get you, you don't have to keep putting words to it. They know you better than you know yourself. And so, you know, having these people to go to when you are doubtful, when you're shaky, when you're not feeling, you know, the ground underneath is a little bit wobbly. It's so precious, so important, so vital for our health and for the health of other people too, because they need to feel that they are useful too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and I yeah, I think that's been really interesting for me. I didn't really find these people till later in life. Like I didn't have these people in high school, didn't have these people in college, I didn't have these people when I was in grad school, you know, and I was very isolated in a very not good headspace. And um to this day, you know, you you make friends and you think they're forever people, and then life changes and they and they fade. And that can make you feel like, oh man, I built all this, you know, this relationship and I put all this work into it, and now they're gone. Mm-mm. Try not to look at it that way. Look at it as I had this person for a moment in time, I unconditionally gave myself to them, I gained perspective, and now I'm gonna find the next person that I can that I can invest in, and they can invest in me. You know, the the job I'm in now has brought me to some of the people that have probably seen my core in ways that I've not never seen been seen before. And it's been very anxiety provoking, but also so freeing to be seen because I feel like I spent a lot of my life trying to get people to figure out who I was, and I spent more time getting people to figure out who I was before I found out who I was, right? And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so worried about what you think. I don't even know what I think. So it's really cool when you find someone that sees you and you don't even have to justify it because you really get to do a deeper look into yourself and think, huh, maybe I am a little guarded here. Huh, maybe I am a little jaded here, huh? Maybe I've exacerbated this a bit, you know, whatever it is. Or maybe I'm just fine and I just need to get over it, you know, whatever that is. How cool to be able to do that with someone else and validate yourself and grow together through that. Um, it's it's a very beautiful experience. And I think it can come in very many shapes and forms. And it's a it's a spiritual thing, you know, it really is. It's it's it's bigger than you and I. And there's a lot of ways to identify it, but there's no denying that it's there. And so, however you access that, no judgment, but you're kind of naive to pretend it's not there, right? Because we're we're all living it. And I think that's the conversation that has to have, be had. And I think that's where that's why I write the books that I do. I'm like introverts, where are you at? I know you read because you you can't talk to people, so you have to read about it. I'm kidding, you totally can talk to people, but I got a joke. But I mean, I'm like, you guys, we we have so much to offer. And I've had this dichotomy my whole life, you know, of I want to be this person, but I'm this person, and the grass is greener here and there. No, it's not. No, it's not. Get out of your head, you know, live live life authentically and fearlessly in a way that makes sense to you. And that's not gonna be saying the same thing for me that it is for you. Um, but I can tell you on the other side, it is it's hard work. It's I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, but it's a freedom and a challenge and um an inspiration you won't find anywhere else.

SPEAKER_01:

So, on that inspiring note, what I heard you say was we are fine as we are. There's nothing broken about us. We don't need fixing. We just need to find people like ourselves, people who are aligned with our thinking, people who are supportive. And most importantly, I think it's to know ourselves because I heard that theme of self-knowledge, self-awareness all through this conversation, that the more important thing is to know myself well first before I even think about what do you think of me. And I think that's powerful. That's powerful because that's putting ourselves up there, which is which kind of goes against what we are taught to believe that we should put everybody else first and ourselves last. And I think when we put ourselves on the same level as other people, as the people we're trying to take care of or trying to lead or trying to manage or parent. I think it gives a beautiful balance that that is the way it should be, that you are just as important as I am, I'm just as important as you are, because we are each valuable. None of us is more or less valuable than somebody else. We each have our own part to play. So let's play our part. Let's enjoy the ride while we have, you know, we have these moments and seize the opportunities that are before us, do as much good as we can, live authentically, express ourselves in the best way we know how, and do as much good as we can. So what is um what is the best way for people to connect with you, Emily?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, um, so I'm on Instagram, it's at it's not that deep underscore author. Um, I also have an email. If you want to shoot me an email, we can chat. It's epublications lc at gmail.com. And then I'm also on LinkedIn, Emily Erstad. All three of those are great. Um, if you like what I'm hearing, you're hearing. Um, not what I'm hearing. Oh boy. Uh, you can pick up a copy of my book, It's Not That Deep. I am currently working on my next book for introverts called In Too Deep, um, that I'll be releasing soon. So if any of that interests you, I also have a website, which is on my Instagram. So I'll throw you one one place to go. Um, but if you're looking for the book, it's on Amazon. And if you just search it's not that deep, it'll pop right up.

SPEAKER_01:

Beautiful. We'll make sure to have all the links in the show notes so that people can reach out to you. So thank you so much, Emily, for sharing your time and your energy and your wisdom with us today. Thanks for having me. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to leave a five-star rating and review to help the Quiet Warrior Podcast reach more introverts and quiet achievers around the world. I've also put together a free resource for you called the Introvert Toolkit, full of valuable tips for introverts and leaders working with introverts and parents of introverted children. The link to download it is in the show notes as well, so make sure you look out for it. See you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at Serenalo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.