The Quiet Warrior Podcast with Serena Low

93. Money, Trauma, and Healing Your Financial Story with Monica Kaufman

• Serena Low, Introvert Coach for Quiet Achievers and Quiet Warriors

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What if money wasn’t just about numbers, but a mirror reflecting your inner world? In this conversation, I sit down with Monica Kaufman, trauma-informed financial planner and founder of Harmony Wealth Academy, to explore how our personal histories, traumas, and inherited money stories shape the way we save, spend, and invest.

Monica shares why she believes that mastering money begins with healing what’s inside. From financial imposter syndrome to the shame many introverts feel about asking for help, Monica offers both compassion and practical wisdom for anyone ready to reclaim control over their financial life.


What You’ll Learn in This Episode

  • Why money is a reflection of our inner emotional state, not just a financial tool
  • The hidden connection between trauma, control, and financial abuse
  • How financial imposter syndrome keeps high achievers stuck—and what to do about it
  • The difference between “earned dopamine” and “bad dopamine” in spending habits
  • Why introverts often struggle to ask for financial help and how to build confidence
  • Practical steps to rewrite old money stories and create affirmations that work
  • The role of micro-steps and community support in achieving lasting financial change

About Monica Kaufman

Monica Kaufman is a trauma-informed financial planner and the founder of Harmony Wealth Academy. She helps high-earning professionals—especially women—gain confidence and clarity in their money decisions without shame or overwhelm. Through her academy, she teaches not just the American financial system, but also the mindset shifts necessary for lasting financial freedom.


Connect with Monica:

Website: harmonywealthacademy.com


Introvert Resources:

To support your Quiet Warrior journey, join The Visible Introvert newsletter at serenalow.com.au.


This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

SPEAKER_00:

Hi, I'm Serena Gov. If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy, anxious, and social, and lack good communication and teachers skills, then this podcast is for you. You're about to fall in love with the calm, introspective, and profound person that you are. Discover what's fun, unique, and powerful about being an introvert and how to make the elegant project from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work. Anytime you want, in more ways than you imagined possible. Welcome. Today's guest is Monica Kaufman, a former-informed financial planner who has navigated caregiving, corporate leadership, and entrepreneurship. She's also the founder of Harmony Wealth Academy, a financial coaching platform designed for high-earning professionals, especially women who want to feel confident and in control of their money without shame or overwhelm. Welcome, Monica, to the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_00:

Monica, can you take us back to perhaps a bit of your story and what led you on this path to become a financial planner?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I started off life and professional life and economic research and hated it because I wasn't working with regular people. I was working with numbers that didn't mean much of anything. And eventually I wound up going into financial advisory after working with small business owners, mostly women. And it became this divergence of the business, the market, the numbers, and the people. And part of it was I needed to go back to work because my husband had developed depression. And it's been a chronic battle for him. And it has affected our entire family life. And throughout the whole process of this, I realized money is nothing more than a set of tools in your hands. What you do with it is a reflection of what's going on inside of you. So I think I said this to you privately, but the arc of my life only makes sense when I look back on it. And money is a way mastering your money and mastering your internal emotional needs and working towards building out goals and protecting family and protecting and nurturing what matters. When you see it as just a set of tools to get there, it winds up shifting your entire relationship with it. And I've had the privilege of watching not just other people go through this, but as I look back on my life, everything that I went through as a mom, as a wife, and as a businesswoman conjugate congealed. You can't separate and segment yourself out. You wind up every area informs on the other. And I mean, I always had my own traumas with it too. Um my mother was born in 1938. Her parents were really hammered hard by the Great Depression, and there wasn't enough food in the house. So they divided the food up in the kitchen, and she got less than her older brother. And she got her first job between second and third grade. I don't know how on earth she got her job, but that was how she paid for her school clothes and her school shoes. So it was always important to her to have nice things. It was always important to her to be dressed well and to be presentable. And that is something that I grew up with. And she pulled herself out, managed to go to a very good school, suffered a little bit because she came from the wrong side of the tracks back then. And all of that, she was in a great place, she kept building it out, and then she got divorced, and all of her fears came crashing down on her, and that affected us. I was six and a half when that happened. So all of that also informed my vision on all of this. And I watched my mother struggles. And I think something else that I think people don't realize is that you can be very well educated, you can be involved in different things, but that doesn't mean you understand the financial system. And I watched my mother struggle to learn these things because she hadn't been taught it. And my mother's a brilliant woman. And it's one of those things where I look at this and I'm like, okay, it's no one's fault. Everybody's gone through this. This has been going on for generations. We need to do better with it. So all of that came together.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you for sharing that. I see that it comes from a very deep and personal lived experience. You mentioned money as a set of tools. So what is on the other side of that? If we can see money as a set of tools as well, what's this what's the opposite of viewing money that way?

SPEAKER_02:

I think what people need to understand is that money has no meaning except for what you give it. And it's not just what you say about it, it's what you do with it. So if I use my money constructively, then I'm going to, and if I come at it from a positive place inside, I'm going to see positive outcomes. If I'm using it to mask feelings of inadequacy, fear, anger, it's going to come out in ugly ways. And so I I've had clients, I've had one in particular that went through a particularly nasty divorce where he was more than willing to, you know, there's a desire to hurt people. There's a desire when they're hurt to hurt somebody else or to lash out. And money is just another tool with which people can do that. You don't realize that it it is an extension of you, and what you do with it reflects what's going on inside of you.

SPEAKER_00:

So money is an amplifier, is what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02:

It is, but it's also a means of expressing. So even if it doesn't amplify it, it illuminates.

SPEAKER_01:

Does that make sense? It does.

SPEAKER_00:

It does. Because it's then it depends on what's inside yourself. So if what's inside is a tiny thing, it can be made bigger, it can be made brighter. You can shine a light on it. But if the thing inside is not fundamentally a good thing or a thing that's worth illuminating, then all it does is uh make it more obvious.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Yes. There's a joke around here that people engage in retail therapy. So when they don't feel well or something's happened and they're upset, they go out and shop. Okay. Really? Does that what we're doing to feel better? Is that the dopamine hit of buying something? Is that gonna when you think about the biochemistry of that, you'll get that hit. And then the next day you're gonna feel worse. And it's gonna take an even bigger hit to get you back to where you were. Dopamine is one of those things where there's earned dopamine and then there's bad dopamine. And earned dopamine is when you accomplish a goal, when you go after something, you engage in the work and you wind up resetting higher and higher. When you're engaging in destructive behavior, it's like an addiction. It resets lower and it takes more and more to lift you.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're saying that if I were to use my lunch hour for retail therapy to get away from the stress of the office, that would be an example of bad dopamine being Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, it depends. Are you buying? Are you buying? Or I I'll admit something. There are times, especially since the shutdown, when I would walk around the mall. Why? I didn't shop, but I wanted to see other people. My social. When we were denied the ability to see other people, I wanted to see them. And that was a place to do it. I actually like going to the mall with some of the um elderly who like to walk around the mall early in the morning before the stores are open. It's bright, it's sunshiny, it's it's beautiful. It's there's security cameras, there's security cameras, people there. It's great. Am I is that retail therapy? Am I engaging in buying? So again, it's really just a question of what you're doing. Look, if you are at a point where you're financially fit or you're you're able to go beyond carrying the load of paying your goals and and funding the things you need to do, and you want to do this for a little bit, okay. But the question is, where are you and what are you doing it for? And if you're doing it to make yourself feel better, it's an object. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01:

I know people who give charity when they feel low, and I think that's a better expression. It's like I'm helping somebody else out. I'm in a place where I can help somebody and makes me feel good to do it. I think that's a healthier way to look at it. So you're saying that one has to be financially fit before indulging in something like retail therapy.

SPEAKER_02:

I would say that yes. Um, and the way I would look phrase this for your listeners is that think about physical fitness. You start off with function, everything has to work, and then you get to health where it works well together. Fitness is when you're able to carry the load, whatever the load is. And for financial fitness, what I would encourage you to say is, what are my goals and am I funding them adequately so that I'll get to where I want to go and be when I want to be there? Performance is when you can go well beyond that. And you can indulge when you're at that point. Okay, or you can save as a goal because you want to indulge at some point. But the other thing is, are you funding? Are you preparing for what your goals are?

SPEAKER_01:

Are you actually in a place where you're taking care of your needs and the needs of your family? So that's back to the what we were taught, I guess, growing up.

SPEAKER_00:

To live within our means, to be responsible, to save for a rainy day. So all those maxims are they still apply, don't they? They are hallmarks of being responsible.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And what is what is responsible? If you break it about apart, it's being responsible. You can choose your response. And really that's the flip side of what freedom is. I'm free to choose how I'm going to act. So there's an old joke, you know, retirement comes. The question is whether or not you're prepared for it.

SPEAKER_01:

And it'll be here whether you're ready or you're not.

SPEAKER_02:

And that's something that I look at and I say, okay, are you ready for retirement? What happens if it comes early? Is it worth it to you to spend on this now? Or what are you doing? What are you funding with this? What do you want? I'm just like everybody else. There are times when I like a splurge, and I'm not saying not to do that. What I am saying is think of your goals and think of what you're building and what you're planting. What do you want in your life? One of the things I say to people is I need them to dream. And this is usually hard for people who've gone through trauma. They don't allow themselves to dream because, on some levels, they don't believe it's going to come true. They don't believe it's going to happen for them. And giving them license to dream is a little bit of a challenge.

SPEAKER_01:

It's believing they're worthy of having their goals met. What do you see as the intersection between trauma and money and people who are introverted? It depends on where the trauma is coming from. Um I have a person that I care about a great deal who admitted to me um a few weeks ago that it wasn't until April that she realized that her marriage of more than three decades was dysfunctional and abusive.

SPEAKER_02:

And money was a means of exerting control. That her spouse used money as a way to do it. Money, because it's a tool, becomes a means of control for quite a few people. And for people who are introverted, there's a shame factor, there's a fear factor. It becomes a means. Money is a means of just interfacing and taking care of yourself and working with the rest of the world and getting what you need. And so if somebody controls your money or controls your choices, whether it's through verbal means or whether it's through more aggressive means or assertive means, they're controlling you on a very real sense. And so you have to take ownership of your money, be present in it, be visible in it, and have control over it and what you do with it in order to truly be free. And sometimes when you're dealing with someone who's overcome a trauma or an abusive situation, the money was part of the means of control and part of the means of abuse. So you have to take that back.

SPEAKER_01:

And that requires a great degree of confidence. Sorry. No, go for it.

SPEAKER_00:

How how does one acquire that confidence if they have been the passive or maybe even the victim in an abusive relationship? So they haven't had maybe they haven't had access to the money. Maybe their economic independence has been undermined. Maybe they were not allowed to go out to work. So how would they then get back that confidence?

SPEAKER_02:

I knew of a case that was here where there was a woman, she was a mother, she had two children, and her ex-husband planned for five or six years before he filed for divorce. Actually, I know of a couple of cases, but this one I know quite well. And when she realized that he was leaving, something inside of her snapped because he wasn't showing any of the money. And she managed somehow to get a hold of a forensic accountant. And they were able to do some auditing work and they were able to dig up where the money was. And the more she discovered, and the more the lies became apparent, the angrier she got. She's no longer with us. But you can take back your power, but it takes a tremendous amount of strength to not then repeat the example on somebody else because that's what you've learned. And it's a really fundamentally strong dynamic. It's something that requires more skills in terms of the emotional healing than I have, but I've watched it in play. So what happens with most therapists, I think, and I think you can speak to this more than I can, is that it's it's a vehicle. It's another one of those areas where the dysfunction and the anger and the rage and the hurt and the fear all show up. And it's it's a question of really getting the help that person needs, the emotional support. Yes. I was proud of that woman for actually hiring the forensic accountant. I was proud of the other woman that told me this four weeks ago that she left that she had a dysfunctional marriage, that it was not what it needed to be. And she then went and managed to handle and get the divorce, and they're in the process of the property settlement. It's a really tough struggle, and it takes a tremendous amount of strength to do it. I have another person that I've known for decades who was in a very, very abusive relationship, very abusive marriage. And she hadn't graduated, she graduated from high school when they got married, she hadn't gone to school, didn't have a career, was in a very religious environment, managed to get back to school, managed to start planning on leaving, went to therapy, went to therapy, kept saying that she was going to leave. And finally, somebody said, Okay, when are you leaving? And she gave herself a date certain. She left with nothing. She had some money in the bank. She rented a room from an elderly couple and she cleaned toilets to make them enough money to finish her schooling and get a job. And got her divorce, got remarried, and is living a beautiful life. But it took a tremendous amount of strength. There was nothing legal that she was unwilling to do to make sure she didn't have to go back to that. Wow. And with her, she had quite a few children, one of whom had some major challenges. And she really, I don't think she was willing to allow herself to do that until he was in a more stable, you know, permanent situation for him as an adult. But she put up with that for that long. And then once she was ready, she just moved in and did it.

SPEAKER_00:

So it sounds to me like what you're saying is that there is no timeline for this kind of change, because you it needs tremendous strength. You probably need a support network if you're not going to go through this yourself, because it would be very, very hard. It would take a toll in every aspect of your life to be dealing with that kind of crisis.

SPEAKER_02:

To be willing to step out and take the financial risk, leave with nothing, not knowing what her settlement was going to be in a divorce, rent a room from an elderly family, okay, and clean toilets and clean houses in order to make sure that she had the money she needed to finish her schooling and work. That was what it took. And if you know, she didn't ask her family, her original family for any help. She just went and did it. And it she reached a point where she literally could not live with it any longer. And it does take a support network. I I don't know anybody who can get through any of this stuff without support.

SPEAKER_01:

And finding the right support is really critical.

SPEAKER_00:

In our pre-interview conversation, we talked about financial imposter syndrome. What does that mean? Because we know what imposter syndrome is, but what does the financial aspect of it mean?

SPEAKER_02:

There's a lot of people who, based on messages they absorbed from childhood and from the environment in which they lived and still live, that they may not deserve to have wealth, that they may not deserve to have what they want and what they crave. And you have to overcome that. Okay. There are people that I know of who are like, well, you know, this isn't something my family's ever done. So what? Okay, I'm sorry your family didn't do it up until now. That doesn't mean you can't. Okay. What was the message and where did it come from? And it's very difficult. Your mind, you cannot go. And I say this to people all the time: no one can go where their mind hasn't gone before them. If you don't believe that you can do something, you can't do it. So, I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this said in the industry. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're probably right. And you really genuinely have to shift the way you think about yourself and give yourself permission to succeed financially.

SPEAKER_01:

And if you don't, you're not going to. It's interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

When you take a look in the US, lottery winners, most of them wind up broke, um, bankrupt, and some of them wind up dead within a very short period of time.

SPEAKER_01:

It's as if they don't believe they deserved it.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's not just about the money, it's about is it safe for me to have this money? Is it safe for me to manage, uh to grow, to uh be entitled to, to walk around with, to express myself through this amount of money?

SPEAKER_02:

It is. And and here's the other thing about this: I've noticed the people who are truly financially successful and comfortable in their own skin, it doesn't matter to them. I know several people who have been financially successful for years. You would never know it based on what they drive and how they dress. They're presentable, they're clean, they're put together, but they're not wearing labels and they're not flaunting it. They don't care. They're not trying to impress anybody. And what they really want is genuine friendship. The research shows that people who are financially successful recognize that the best things in life are, you know, almost free. Spending time with family, spending time with the community, being outside nature. Okay, exercise, spending time with the people you love. You don't have to pay for that. You provide, you take care of yourself, you take care of your family, you take care of your community, but it's not the same thing.

SPEAKER_00:

How do you see introverts who tend also to be overthinkers, you know, perfectionists. How do you see them in terms of the way they manage money? What are some of the problems you've noticed?

SPEAKER_02:

I think there's a reluctance to ask for help. I think there's an expectation of I should have known this. Well, okay, nobody's born knowing this. It doesn't come from osmosis. There's information that's out there on the internet, and some of it's accurate and some of it isn't. How do you know what's accurate and what isn't? It's as if they don't give themselves permission to say, hey, this is something I've never learned. It's a system. And how do I get the help I need? How do I figure it out? And it's it's difficult. There are some programs, like in the United States, that are very social. And if you know an introvert were to go in there, that'd be a little intimidating. Do they want to discuss the problems out in front of everybody? Finding the help you need is not so easy. In the US, financial advisors are not really compensated or trained to talk about some of these issues, a lot of these issues, or to teach the system. That's part of the reason why I created the academy. But the other piece is, you know, where do you find what you need? How do you find it? And then there's the second piece. Okay, here's what I need to do. And it requires a shift in how I live my life when it comes to money. Here's where I need to go. Here are the gaps. You know, here's this gap, this opportunity. How do I live the change? You know, I joke about this all the time. We know what we need to do to lose weight. That doesn't mean we do it. So we can read the books all the time, but if we don't have the support underneath us and around us, how do we get it done? And when is it safe to express these things? Who wants to like put their dirty laundry out in public? I mean, who wants to display it? So, yeah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a very hard thing to come out. Yes, because at the very start of this conversation, you mentioned a game around money. And that's a that's an underpinning element that you know it's not just introverts that experience that. I think a lot of us have grown up with money stories, money beliefs inherited from childhood, from our upbringing, from our environment, the things we hear our adults say uh around it. For instance, um maybe even the way we react to somebody else's access or aspirations, you know, those people might hear someone else who is perhaps their own age saying, someday I'm going to be a CEO or someday I'm going to be a millionaire. And then the response might be laughter that's instead of go for it, you know, I believe in you. So I think these things are deeply ingrained, and a lot of times we're not even conscious that we have absorbed these sorts of beliefs about what we can and we can't achieve. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

And I think I mentioned to you as a child, my mother always had this thing, you want a new outfit. You and when my parents got divorced, a lot of that ended. And I'll tell you, there was time recently when I was about to go into something new. And I was like, oh, I'm going and I'm not wearing a new outfit, a new pair of shoes. Why am I uncomfortable not having this? Do I need this? Where did this come from? Just because this is something that my mother experienced does not mean I have to carry forward in my own life. And that's the whole process that, you know, I'm coming to as a middle-aged adult, and it's healing myself. We do have the ability to bring these things to the surface, look at them with a little bit of detachment and say, is this really mine to carry or not? Is this something I want to carry? You don't have to carry those stories from the past forward. You don't. You can be aware of them, you can honor them, you can say this is part of the whole story, reflects some suffering from the past, but I can let it go. And that's that's key and important. Dealing with money and dealing with a lot of these blocks that get in the way really requires a sensitivity to the stories of the past and what's happened in the past. And saying, okay, my future is over here. This is what I want. I have the right to go for it. And that's something that a lot of people have a hard time saying. I am worthy of going for it. And I want to hear people say it. I want them to say, hey, this is what I want, and this is what it's gonna take. Let's get let's get it done.

SPEAKER_01:

And based on your experience, how do people let go of those old stories and then say, I'm worthy?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so one of the things that I'll do with people is I'll walk them through affirmations. And affirmations, as you know, have to be written in a way that reflects a lack of doubt. You don't have to leave room for doubt because if you do that, your mind is going to go towards the lowest common denominator. But I know this because I have imposter syndrome. When I do an affirmation and it's in the first person, it sounds unbelievably harsh. And I'll never forget I listened to something from Andrew Huberman, and then I listened to myself give affirmations and I realized I would never speak to someone else the way I speak to myself. I would never use that harshness, that judgment. And I switched over to the second person. And I basically said, I'm going to speak to myself the way I would speak to somebody else that I care enormously about and whom I want to succeed. And it became much more gentle, much more positive, much more encouraging. So that's part of it. You have to make that switch sometimes and be aware of what you're doing. The other thing that I'll do with people is I'll have them craft a future self-vision. What does that look like? And I'll ask them to do things like, what do you see? Where are you? Describe the room, the colors, the furniture, what's going on around you, the smells. Are there plants in the room? Are there flowers? Are there chocolate chip cookies? Whatever it is. I want them to put as much as they can about what they can, their five senses. See, hear, smell, touch, and taste. And I have them write it out by hand, record it into their phone. And every night before they go to sleep, and every morning when they wake up, I have them play it to themselves. It's their own voice and they're speaking to themselves. And what I'm looking to do is the same thing that people do with vision boards, is I'm looking to get their mind, their subconscious, to align with what the goal is.

SPEAKER_01:

So there are other techniques that we use, but those are two of the big ones.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I love that you use the five senses because some people would be more hands-on, some people would respond by listening, and some people have to visualize things. So that covers all the aspects.

SPEAKER_01:

So uh tell us more about the academy. Who is it for and who do you help?

SPEAKER_02:

It is for people who genuinely want to build out a secure future, who are looking and saying, I'm making money. Why am I not building wealth? Am I actually going to get to where I want? And it requires a total shift in framework. So, for example, I think I've mentioned, oh, I didn't mention this to you. 70% of the designer items, the luxury items, are bought by people who are middle class and lower. The people who are building out wealth are not spending their money on that. They're spending the money on investments. It's a functional purse, it's beautiful, it works. It doesn't have to have that designer label on it. And the reason for that is very simple. They have a goal that they consider to be more worthy of the money. They're being intentional and very strategic with their money. They're giving themselves permission to do that. So I'm looking for people who are willing to make that change, who want to make that change. I'm looking for people who have built success in other areas of their life, it doesn't matter which, and who say, hey, I'm willing to do this. You can't work and give yourself permission to succeed in one area of your life and not give yourself permission to succeed in the other area. It will bleed down. You have to give yourself permission to succeed all the way around. So I'm looking for people who are intentional. I'm looking for people who are ready for change. And if there's a problem and a bump along the road, we'll deal with it because I expect those bumps to come out, if that makes sense. Most of the time, there's an emotional block that stands in the way or that prompts people to come in and see me, anyways. If that makes sense. There's usually an incentive beyond the money that is the motivator.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. The cosmic wake-up call. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

And the question is, what is it? And what do we need to do to get them past it? And once they start to see success, and once they start to see trust in me that I've earned it, they can then open up to me and explain what the issue is, and then we start problem solving.

SPEAKER_00:

So what you do is you offer a sensitive guided experience through something that is very challenging for all of us at deep levels because it requires us to actually go within and ask some big questions about ourselves, about where we've come from, about where we are going and what we want. And am I worthy of it? And yes, I'm worthy of it. So how do I go and do this thing? And so that is a very involved process and it requires a lot of empathy, a lot of support, a lot of non-judgment. And I think that is what you provide inside your academy.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the goal, because that's the way lasting change happens. And the other goal is to provide community where they can speak and be around people who are going through the same things. The challenge with that is that community is a little bit harder to build trust. And so I don't want, like one of the things I'll say to people is your identity is yours. You fought long and hard for it. I need you to protect it. So if you wish to share things within a community, make people earn the trust. Don't share too soon. Okay. If you're facing challenges, build it slowly. Like everything is a question of baby steps. And so if the big steps are, if what you're looking at is challenging you and making you more anxious, let's break it down into smaller and smaller steps so that we can actually create forward momentum. Anxiety and fear really truly has to be overcome through motion. And one of the things that we do work on is building up that adversity quotient, that knowledge that you can take on harder and harder challenges. But we start as small as we need to start.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. The idea of micro steps instead of massive transformation all at once.

SPEAKER_01:

Massive transformation all at once doesn't work. If you're the therapist, tell me when that works.

SPEAKER_00:

Tell me when that's sustainable. It's never worked for me and for the people that I know. And I think sometimes it is the those seminars, certain seminars we go to that encourage that kind of transformation and I think set a very unhealthy bar or expectation of what transformation actually is. Because what we want is transformation that sticks after that weekend. When I go back on Monday to my normal routine, will I still be able to think that way with that new mindset? Or have I gone back to my default self and then have to start again?

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And that's the problem. It's building out systems takes time and people need to give themselves that time. So one of the things that I think is important is that there has to be complete honesty. I have to earn your respect and trust through honesty. I don't want you to give it to me immediately. Okay, that's unreasonable. Okay. Make me earn it. And make me keep it by maintaining and showing up and doing what I say I'm going to do. And I think that's really important. One of the problems with my industry is that a lot of people who are in it are very accomplished at having that emotional bond with people, but aren't necessarily as accomplished with what they're doing. And in my opinion, especially within my industry, the only way my industry is going to get better and people are going to get better results and feel more comfortable with their advisors is when their advisors are forced to perform better. The stronger the clients are, the more they can demand.

SPEAKER_01:

And the more they'll understand where it's reasonable to demand. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

It's it's it's the only way to make things better is for people to take to have more ability to set their expectations and enforce them.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're speaking about competence for both parties, both the advisors as well as the clients.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. The advisors want to be in business and want to make money. So if the market demands that they do better, they'll do better.

SPEAKER_01:

It's really simple.

SPEAKER_00:

And for the client to demand that, they have to be, they have to have enough knowledge. They have to be able to feel confident that they know what they're talking about, they know the questions to ask, they know what to demand.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct. And more than that, okay, they also need to understand something. It is a privilege for me to sit on the same side of the table and work with a client. It is a privilege for me to be on a Zoom call with a client working through a problem. I don't forget for one minute that it is a privilege for me to work with people because their money is the way they care for themselves and the people they love now and in the future. And that is a heavy responsibility. So it is a privilege, and it means I have to bring my best to it every day. Clients need to expect that advisors are going to understand that it is a privilege to work with them. It drives me crazy when I hear a client say, Well, you know, maybe my account is too small. Really? No. Okay, maybe, maybe it's small and it's harder to manage, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve respect. And that doesn't mean you don't deserve somebody's best efforts at that time.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you for that reminder.

SPEAKER_00:

So there is responsibility to on both parts on on every person that manages money, has access to that money, has um in a position to make decisions about the money. So this is all back to self-awareness again, about doing that inner work to heal our money wounds, money stories, money beliefs, at the same time acquiring that knowledge so that we become competent enough to advocate for ourselves and look after others as well.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So what is the one? I'll go with one other thing. I find that when you realize that you've been abused or maltreated, you start seeing the same patterns in a lot of the people around you. And I've seen people, a lot of people come in to see me because something has gone wrong. Okay, something has gone wrong along the way. And when it's been an issue with an advisor or two, the question is once they start to see the pattern, they can't unsee it. And so you have to set the bar higher and enforce those boundaries and say, these are my expectations. If you're not going to meet them, you can't meet them. That's fine, but I will go elsewhere.

SPEAKER_01:

We're not going to pretend otherwise. And sometimes that's a little scary because you realize what you've been putting up with and tolerating.

SPEAKER_02:

And when you have to retrain people and how they're to treat you, there's always that pushback of saying, no, change, change back, change back.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I'm walking. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

That is a huge conversation around boundaries, around self-respect, around what am I, and it's back to that worthiness, isn't it? I'm worthy of respect. I'm worthy of being treated better than this.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm worthy of articulating what I need and having that listened to. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. What is the best way for people to get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_02:

I'm always happy to respond. If somebody wants to send me an email, they can. I will give you a link that they can sign up for a free consultation where if they are having a block or there's something that's on their mind, I'm happy to give them some time. We can work through it a little bit. I have different programs. Um, it's the harmonywealthacademy.com, but they can also just, you know, I'll give you the link for that and people can reach out. So I'm happy to help.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. And just for clarity for our listeners, this is pertaining more to the American finance situation.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

But if somebody has a question and they're talking about an emotional block on money and they want to just have a brief conversation about that, I'm not going to give them advice. The purpose of the academy is to teach the system. So I'm not coming in and telling you what to do. I want you to walk through what's going on. So there's a mentality piece, and then there's the American system. So even with American clients who are inside the academy, I want them to stand back and understand there's no pitching, I'm not making recommendations. What I'm saying is here's the system and let's walk through it. This is what the shifts are. This is what this is, what's going on with your money story? What do where do we need to work? That's a different approach. If there's something that catches fire, there's something that's urgent, that's a different contract. Okay. So if somebody has a question about mindset or there's a block and they want to reach out to me on that, I'm happy to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Beautiful. Thank you so much for clarifying that. Thank you, Monica, for sharing your time and your energy with us today.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for the opportunity. And I very much appreciate what you're doing. And I just want to encourage people to really believe that they can have what they really truly want, that it's okay to dream and that it's okay to build a positive future. They don't, wherever they are, they're not a plant, they're not a tree, they're not plant, they're not stuck. They can move. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00:

If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to leave a five-star rating and review to help the Quiet Warrior podcast reach more introverts and quiet achievers around the world. I've also put together a free resource for you called the Introvert Toolkit, which is full of valuable tips for introverts leaders working with introverts and parents of introverted children. The link to download it is in the show notes, so make sure you look out for it. See you on the next episode. I'm so grateful that you're here today. If you found this content valuable, please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform. Together we can help more introverts thrive. To receive more uplifting content like this, connect with me on Instagram at SerenaLo Quiet Warrior Coach. Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me. See you on the next episode.