143. From Execution to Executive: How Introverted Women in Tech Get Promoted (Limor Bergman Gross)

If you've ever been told to "be more strategic" with no explanation of what that actually means — this episode is for you.

Limor Bergman Gross spent 20+ years leading engineering organisations across continents before making the leap to executive leadership herself. Now she coaches ambitious women in tech to do the same. In this conversation, she gets real about the patterns that keep talented women stuck — people-pleasing, hiding achievements, staying rigidly inside their job description — and shares the practical strategies that actually work.

We also dig into what it looks like to expand (not just "break out of") your comfort zone, how to say no without using the word no, and why protecting your time and energy isn't selfish — it's strategic. Whether you're climbing toward a promotion or trying to lead more sustainably, there's something here for you.

Key Topics 

• How Limor broke through from first-line manager to executive — and what "be more strategic" really means
• Introverts, permission-seeking, and taking initiative without going rogue
• Expanding vs. "stepping outside" your comfort zone: – the reframe  
• Why you should say yes first and figure it out later
• What leaders can do to create inclusive spaces for quiet people 
• Patterns Limor sees holding women in tech back — and how to shift them
• How to say no without the word "no" — a practical script
• Why overcommitting is bad for your employer too
• It's not just how much you do — it's what you do and the impact it creates
• Limor's closing message to every introvert

About Limor Bergman Gross

Limor is a former Director of Engineering with 20+ years in tech, having led engineering teams across continents. She now coaches ambitious women in tech into leadership roles and speaks globally on leadership, influence, and visibility. She is also the host of the From a Woman to a Leader podcast.

🔗 Connect with Limor on LinkedIn 🎙️ From a Woman to a Leader podcast

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Transcript

Meet A Global Engineering Leader

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Today's guest is a former director of engineering with 20 plus years in tech and the host of the podcast From a Woman to a Leader, where she spotlights real leadership journeys and the skills women need to grow into executive impact. She has led engineering organizations across continents, scaled teams, and navigated the shift from hands-on execution to strategic leadership. Today she coaches ambitious women in tech into leadership roles and speaks at global conferences about leadership growth, influence, and visibility. Welcome Lemoer Bergman-Gross to the Quiet Warrior Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Hi Serena. Yeah, that

The Shift From Doing To Strategy

SPEAKER_01 1:00

was actually a hard move. And usually the bottleneck from advancing from first line manager to an executive is focusing too much on execution and less about thinking strategically. The problem is that no one really tells you how to do that. And what happened to me actually, I was stuck for a while on the first line manager level, and I was hearing from my manager, you need to be more strategic, but it wasn't really clear to me what it meant. And what happened was that uh a peer of mine actually got promoted, and uh, she was someone I really respected and appreciated. And I started thinking to myself, okay, why what is she doing that I'm not doing? And uh what I started doing is started thinking more holistically about the organization, what what is missing, what is needed, and coming up with solutions. And and that's kind of how I was able to, and and that was coupled with obviously talking about it very clearly with my manager, building a promotion plan and so forth, but also taking the initiatives and solving problems without actually being asked to do that, and it was beyond the specific scope of my teams. That eventually what got me promoted.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

So it sounds like taking initiative, being proactive, going outside of your job scope, that contributed to you being more visible.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Yes, and um I think one one of the mistakes I see with um women that I coach is being too kind of cornered around your job description. So we are afraid for some reason, we am saying, like women, myself included, I was afraid of stepping outside that boundary. And you are actually promoted when you already proved that you can execute at the next level. But how do you do that? So you need to show more than what you're doing currently. It doesn't mean necessarily you need to work harder, but just need to work smarter. You need to think about how are you able to make an impact beyond your roles and responsibilities, and obviously build relationships with your manager and others to build trust and be seen for that impact.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

There is a lot in there. So, what I'm hearing is you don't wait for permission, you don't wait for someone to tell you do this thing. You start acting as though you are already performing at that next level.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

And what happens? What happens if you are also an introvert or a quiet achiever? Because people who are introverts typically don't want to do the thing that feels unsafe. They like to wait for permission, wait for approval, wait for something else to say it's okay for you to do this thing, to ask for that permission.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

You can still um take initiative and consult with your manager. So I'm not saying that you just need to do something, not ask anyone, and just do your thing. Obviously, you work in an organization, there are boundaries, there are things. It's always good to talk with your managers and others and set expectations straight. So I'm not saying just do whatever you want, but still I think you can do it while kind of uh collaborating with your manager and with peers, but proposing ideas and suggesting like directions or saying, yeah, this is something that I would really think will help us. What do you think? So having those conversations, and if you see that there is sometimes there is not gonna be an yes or no, you say, okay, sounds interesting. If no one is stopping you, that's also it's okay. That's also in a way permission. Because if someone tells you no, no way, don't do it, then don't. But sometimes you will not get a concrete answer. But as long as you communicate that, it's okay. And I'll tell you something about introversion. So I'm a very introverted person myself, and I think that there is a differentiation between doing something uncomfortable to being introvert.

Expand Your Comfort Zone Gradually

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Because growth doesn't happen in the comfort zone. Growth always happens when you expand your comfort zone. Both introverts and extroverts, in order to grow, need to expand your comfort zone. Just each person that means something else for them. So for introverts like me, expanding my comfort zone may be start, I don't know, talking with people that I don't know, starting building relationships with the executives. For an extrovert, stepping out of their comfort zone may be similar, or maybe there will be something else. But still, in order to grow, you have to do that.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Very good point. It's not about being limited by your personality type, whichever label you subscribe to. You're saying expand your comfort zone. And that is a little bit different from how some other people might word it as break out of your comfort zone, step out of your comfort zone. And then the introvert might be thinking, but I don't want to. I want to be comfortable and I don't want to, I want to stretch myself, but I want to feel safe. So when you say expand, expand is a very powerful word because expand means I'm making my territory bigger, but I'm still inside it. I'm still inside my comfort zone. I'm just saying this year I'm going to make it maybe 1% wider on this side and that side. And I'm going to do that by having more conversations. I'm going to be more consultative. I'm going to maybe stop holding back so much in meetings. I'm going to speak up a little bit more. So that too, I think, could be a framing of the comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

For sure. And by the way, Serena, I didn't, I uh landed that uh term from one of my podcast guests. And she said about, oh, we we always talk about step out. Why don't we talk about expanding our comfort zone? And I really like that. So I started using it. And absolutely agree with you that we don't need to do something that is completely terrifying. It's always best to take small steps forward, small incremental steps, and do something, but you have to eventually do something that feels a little bit uncomfortable, a little bit scary. You know, I had uh some years ago, I had a client that for her, even asking for vacation was scary. Everyone expansion looks different, whatever it is for you, yes, take that small step. Yes. So it doesn't have to be something huge.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

That's right. It doesn't need to be any shame about it, about oh, you know, I'm not I I can't do that. It's not me. I think we are constantly evolving, we're growing, and even taking one percent more of a step this year is going to contribute to your trajectory changing over time. It's that little ripple effect that you're planting. You're saying to yourself, I can do hard things. And so, what is one percent for somebody, what is ten percent for somebody else? We're not comparing, we're not competing. We're simply saying, can I be braver? Can I be more courageous than I was maybe a year ago? And that is all the progress that we really need to measure.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Sure. Yeah, and I'll share an example, and this is something I recommend to anyone, and I wish I've done it sooner. So I put on my goals about a year and a half ago, or even more, uh, public speaking. So speaking on stages. And this is for me something completely out of out of my comfort zone. That's not something that comes naturally to me. It's very difficult. Every time I do it, it's very stressful. And since then I spoke at uh four different conferences, just since September 2025. And it's not easy, it's it's not easy, but because I've done it several times, then in a way it feels possible, right? It's feels something I can do. I know I can do it because I've done that four times. Doesn't mean that the fifth time is gonna be easy, that I'm not gonna be stressed about it. Probably will, but it still doesn't mean that I cannot do it.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

So the secret to that is to do something.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yeah, and it doesn't have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

And that is the part that holds a lot of us back, that we have to be so prepared, we have to be so perfect before we say yes and commit to ourselves. But I've learned, and I think you're also saying, that you commit first and then you refine it along the way. So you say yes first and then you work out how. Once you have put your name down for that conference, you've booked yourself in, they start doing the graphics, they start doing the marketing, you are really locked in. You're not going to turn around now and say, no, no, no, I'm actually not ready yet. I'm only 80% ready. So that 80% is your starting point, and you build from there. And maybe you won't even get to 100% by the time you stand on the stage, but the next time it will be a little bit easier. And the time after that, it will be a little bit easier. And I think we we need to give ourselves that opportunity to get started instead of waiting, waiting for that perfect day.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

The perfect day will never come. So, yes, what you said exactly is right. You need to say yes for opportunities, commit yourself, and then figure things out. And even if it's uncomfortable, do it anyway. Once you do it, the sense of achievement and accomplishment and your confidence will just grow from that.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yes, you've set a new bar for yourself. It's going to be different. The next time around, you're not going to be starting from zero. You're starting from that 80 or whatever it is that you just achieved. So totally agree

Designing Psychological Safety At Work

SPEAKER_00 11:40

with you. Now, we've been talking about what introverts and quiet achievers can do differently, expanding our comfort zone and so on. What can organizations and leaders do to make workplaces more inclusive for those who are quiet?

SPEAKER_01 11:56

This is a wonderful question. I think it starts with awareness. And you know, one of the hardest things for me was speaking up in even in meetings, right? And once you have that awareness, you want to make sure that every meeting you pay attention, especially to those who are quiet, and you create a space that allows everyone to share, everyone to collaborate. And you do that by actually identifying those people who are not saying anything and asking them for their perspective. If they're uncomfortable, maybe talking with them before a meeting, encouraging them to speak up more, encouraging them to share their perspectives more, and allowing a safe space, so reducing judgment. I think one of the hardest things in companies, and I've seen that in many companies I worked at, sometimes it is intense, especially in engineering. I come from the technical world, from engineering. People tend to be judgmental, tend to be opinionated. And when people start judging each other or say, oh, you are wrong, you're you know, starting using that language, people who are introverts may feel uncomfortable speaking up because if they said something that others disagree with, someone may say that they are wrong. So discouraging that kind of communication, no judgment. We welcome all opinions, we want to hear everyone. We may not necessarily agree. It's okay to disagree respectfully. And calling out for people who are not meeting that bar. And typically, I would say they are not bad people, they're not doing it from ill intentions in most cases. It's just a figure of speech, it's just people are passionate, and from the heat of the moment, they will say things that can be very offensive or discouraging for introverts. Just make sure that you create a culture that is safe. And the term psychological safety, I mean, this is one of the things that I think is very important to really make everyone feel comfortable, to share perspectives without being judged, and to make mistakes without being punished. When you create that kind of culture, everyone, by the way, not just introverts, everyone feels free to dare more, to share more. And eventually it creates better outcomes for their organizations.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

I'm glad you mentioned psychosocial safety and psychological safety. That's something that Australian legislation has started paying attention to as well. And we revised our regulations just in December to specify that in as part of occupational health and safety. And I and you are right. We we need so much more awareness, but also more implementation from top down because the culture is made up of many, many individuals, but also it flows top down. And we tend to take our cue from what's happening, what's tolerated, what's being allowed in meetings and what we are witnessing. So for the introvert, and maybe for also the highly sensitive person who finds that kind of offensive language or the lack of safety as a dampener on speaking up. It's not only affecting their individual career path, but it also signals to everybody else. There are things you can't say, there are things you can't express. We we only allow certain kinds of personalities or certain kinds of people and certain opinions to be expressed. So then the level of trust goes down because people are not noticing quietly, they may not say anything, but then they say, okay, that person was punished for saying that that thing in that way. So next time I'm not going to tell the truth, I'm not going to say what I really think, I'm only going to say what's acceptable. And of course, that's going to bring down the whole level of discourse.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

That's true. And uh as you said, it comes from above, but it also it's very much depending on the team and or the manager and what that manager, what kind of environment they they create. And encourage everyone that sees discussions that are not healthy to note that to their manager and to HR. And hopefully they will care enough to change it.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Care enough to change it is the key phrase, I think. A lot of people have the awareness, but to actually translate that into policies, into procedures, into something that everyone can then say, okay, we can see whether it's happening or it's not. And that level of transparency, that level of commitment can be quite for many organizations. It can feel like it's too much work. If it's not broken, we won't fix it. If the status quo has worked so far in all these decades, well just keep going. If you don't like it, the problem is on you.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Yes, that happens a lot, especially, you know, um when you have very smart people that used to work the way they work, and they may be blunt, they may be in a way kind of offensive, even if they don't mean to. And then maybe the company doesn't want to deal with them. They just say, okay, they deliver, they do the work, let's just keep it. And they don't realize the effect it has of other people. So changing is hard, especially people who are used to doing certain things the way they do and used to communicate the way they do. So it may not it may not be easy to change those behaviors.

Women In Tech And Self-Advocacy

SPEAKER_00 18:00

And speaking of changing those behaviors, you work with women in tech leadership. What do you see as patterns or problems that are perhaps unique to this sector?

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yes, and everything I said, it's obviously generalizing. Not all women are the same, and there are men that also have those behaviors. In general, I think women have several characteristics that I see again, and I've seen it also on myself personally. We're afraid to break boundaries, as I said, right? We are too limited by our roles, by our role description. We're really trying to please everyone and be liked. It's very important to us. So we may tend to be people pleasing and not set enough boundaries and not say no. And we shy away from talking about our achievements. It feels like bragging. So usually we say, Oh, I'm just doing my work. Why do I need to talk about it? Talking about it is negative. We see that as something negative because we're kind of culturally expected to be pleasant, nice, and just contribute. And the last thing I would say, we usually don't feel comfortable, speak up and ask for what we want. It happened to me in my career as well. If you don't say what you want, your manager cannot read your mind. So starting being comfortable, asking for what we want, even if it may not be realistic immediately, but expressing that so everyone knows what are our aspirations, what we need. Talking about our impact, not shying away from that, not seeing as something negative rather than important for our growth and for other people to realize our worth. And not being afraid to say no and set boundaries. This is very important. And actually, people, I saw that personally, and also in women I coach, we tend to think that if we always say yes and always nice, people will like us and respect us. Actually, a lot of times it it works the other way around. The more we try to please, we're taken for granted. So actually, setting boundaries and saying when we can't do something, or you know, we just say no, people will respect us more.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

I can understand that on the intellectual level, but I've also worked with people who who know that, they know that in their heads, that they should have boundaries, they should say no, but there's still that deep fear that if I say no, what if they don't if they get next time they will give me fewer opportunities, or they will judge me for saying no? Or they will assume that I'm not being flexible enough, or they will think and so they are more worried about what other people think of them because they feel they have something to lose. So when we are in that unequal position as the person seeking a promotion, as the person who is the employee or the contributor, how do you help them to see that it is safe for them to say no and to set boundaries?

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Yeah. So there are several things, and depending obviously on the situation. One strategy would be to say no without using the word no. And a lot of times it it's about prioritization. Especially in high-paced environments, we are asked to do so many things, and it's too much. And the more we take on, the more we're given, more and more and more and more. Not always it's helping us. So just saying, hey, I have those things on my plate and I'm already beyond capacity, I'm already working really hard. What i what is more important? The new thing that you asked me to do, or those things. Help me, let's prioritize together. So, this is a way of saying no to extra work without using the word no and actually coming in a positive. I want to help. I want to do this, but I need you to help me prioritize.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

That's actually a very smart and strategic way because you're also alerting the supervisor who may not be aware that you are dealing with five things at the moment because they only see what they themselves need to, you know, to tick off on their own agenda. So you're saying, yeah, I have five things to do. So which ones are the most important right now? So if I do, let's say, this newest thing you've just given me, the fifth thing, then you know it's going to affect one, two, three, four. So is that okay with you? And if that's okay with you, then that's a different thing. But if it's not, then something has to shift. So which one should it be? And so then you put it back on them. And they suddenly realize, ah, okay, maybe she is overloaded, maybe this thing is not so important, and so let's shuffle a few things around. So that's actually a really proactive way to do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Yeah, and coming in a positive, I want to do it. Yes. And another thing is more on the internal work. It's I'm challenging usually my client to think about okay, what is better for your employer? So supposedly they want you to do more and more and more, take on more and more and more. Eventually, what happens? You spend less time with your family, you may be, I don't know, tired, you may even be sick, right? It may impact your mental health, your physical health, your mood. So, is it good for your employer that you will become deplated? That you will become exhausted? Is it good for your employer that at home you're not satisfied, you're not able to be present for your family and loved one, that eventually you feel like you're sacrificing? Is it eventually going to be good for them? So, so asking that also, what is good for your employer? Because if you take care of yourself, eventually it also helps for the employer because you're gonna be more motivated, you're gonna be healthy in mind and in body. So also looking at that debt angle, because we tend to think, oh, if I do more and more and more and more and more, I'm gonna be a better employee. But if you're gonna do more and more and more and you're gonna be sick and exhausted, you're not gonna be a better employee. What is gonna be what is gonna make you a better employee? Good question. Yeah, same, same, by the way, same questions at home. As women, I'm now talking about more about women, again, generalizing. I'm not saying my husband does a lot at home. It's not all men are alike, but I'm saying in general, women tend to take more of the household chores. So we take on and on and on. And I used to do that when my kids were little, like taking everything on myself. Preparing food, dealing with the laundry, with shopping, with whatever. Is it gonna make us better partners? Is it gonna make us better parents? That we exhaust ourselves and we never pause and rest. Eventually, that can lead us to being sometimes, you know, burst up, right? In either tears, cry or anger or whatever. It's not gonna be pleasant to our surroundings. So also at home, thinking about how much you take on yourself. Is it good for you? Is it good for your family? That a lot of times helps, seeing that actually taking more is not good, not for the employer and not for your family.

Boundaries That Protect Health And Impact

SPEAKER_00 25:53

I think that's a very important point you've just raised. Our I was just saying to a client today that their first responsibility is to themselves. In the context of your health, your well-being, nobody else is going to be more committed and more vested in your health and yourself. And maybe in our 20s and 30s, we might forget that because we are busy trying to climb the ladder. But then you come to a point where the cost of it catches up with you. You start to feel, you know, the symptoms of maybe sleepless nights, too many 3 a.m., too much overdoing, not enough rest, and trying to survive on, you know, caffeine and just adrenaline and all that. And it catches up over women, you know, and once you are 40 and over, you have other health issues because your body is trying to tell you, hey, I need some care, I need some love here, some attention. And so you have to you realize that you you are expending yourself and trying to be indispensable so that you can stay safe, so that you can have the security perhaps of your your job, your role, get the promotion, but it comes at a cost. So what you're saying is so important for I think everyone, whatever stage you are at. But particularly as you get into that season where you notice your energy is going down, you notice that there you you can't as easily pull those late nights as you used to. That is a clue, that is a red flag. And I think we all need to pay attention to that because health is one of those things. We take it for granted until it's not there, until it's gone. And then the absence of it when we start to pay that price. Like you said, there's an inner internal consequence, but there's also an external consequence. And the question is, can we can we carry that consequence? Are we able to carry that weight? The resentment, the affected relationships, the loss of quality time with loved ones, not having enough sleep, which that impacts our cognition, which impacts our decision making, and of course it will ultimately affect the way we show up at work too. So all those things have got a ripple effect. So I think the most important thing is still first responsibility, is still to ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

100%. And uh I noticed on myself that I'm very impatient to my kids and to my husband when I have too much on my mind, when I take too much on myself. So obviously, my family don't want me to be angry and impatient. Right? So I need to take care of myself, I need to do things that are good for me, and it's not selfish. I have to do it. So I'm healthy and I can be a better mom and a better a better wife, and a better leader and a better employee. Yes, that's that's that as well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Yes. So that's a good counter-argument for any employee who's worried that they're going to be taken advantage of or they're going to be overlooked for promotion because they haven't they have said no and they have drawn boundaries. I think this is the other side of it. Actually, what you are doing is response being responsible for yourself, and therefore, you're not creating extra liability for the organization when you burn out.

Do Less Busy Work For More Value

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Definitely. Now, Surina, I'll say another thing. When you look at your plate, right, at work on the things that you do, you have to also ask yourself what is the impact of each one of the things I'm doing. And women, a lot of times, tend to get a lot of busy work and not things that are actually helping them progress. So it's not just about how much work you take on yourself, it's what kind of work you take on yourself and how much impact are you going to provide eventually to your employer. So also you have to think about those things and figure out how you can prioritize the things that are creating more impact to your manager, to the business, to the company. And maybe some of the things that you're doing that are less impactful, either delegate or maybe even stop doing. Look at your calendar, look at the meetings. You know, I used to I started pushing back when I was a leader. I started pushing back on attending on meetings. I was asking, am I needed here? If I'm needed, I will join. But if not, I will not. Because in organizations, a lot of times, if there is a culture of meetings, right? A lot of meetings, and we invite everyone because we don't want to offend everyone. So I was asking, do am I needed here? And if not, not something I have to do, I just don't join. That's okay. You protect your time. Then you're seeing as more valuable. Oh, I have to think next time I invite Serena to a meeting, does she really need to be there? So it makes you just by that, just by doing that, seem more valuable, seem more important. Because you don't just show up to any meeting you're invited to.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

That's right. And that's compatible with what we were saying at the start about being strategic and the way you position yourself. Are you saying, are you coming across as, oh, I'm available for anything, call me anytime, my door is always open? Or are you saying, I do my best work when I'm focused and I'm protecting my energy and my focused time. Therefore, I'm not available for unexplained or, you know, not just any meeting that you happen to feel like inviting me to. I will come and I will contribute if I'm needed there and if I know what is expected of me there. But otherwise, I'm protecting my time.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

For sure.

Introversion As A Leadership Strength

SPEAKER_00 31:49

So, Lemore, if there is one thing you want our listeners to take away today of this conversation, what would that be?

SPEAKER_01 31:57

So, for all the introverts out there, being an introvert is not a deficiency, it's a strength. And for years, I judged myself for being an introvert, for being quiet. Oh, how come I'm not an easy-going person like this one, speaking with everyone? Just accept yourself and love yourself the way you are. And there are a lot of good qualities introverts have. We are more thoughtful, we listen to other people, we're very empathetic, we care about other people. So hone into who you are. Don't try to change who you are, don't try to compare yourself to others. Just appreciate you and what you bring because you have a lot of great things that you bring. So introversion is a great quality.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

That is a brilliant way to wrap up. Thank you so much for coming on the Quiet Warrior Podcast and sharing your unique take on introversion, the gifts of being a quiet achiever, how to make that leap from doing great work to being strategic in leadership. And all the different practical ways you've shared as well, about how to say no, how to be firm with our boundaries, how to position ourselves, and how to demonstrate our value by doing less, but more of what is impactful, and also expanding the comfort zone and being courageous in doing uncomfortable things. Thank you so much, Lemo.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Absolutely my pleasure, Serena. Thank you so much for having me.

Where To Find Lemore Plus Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Well, now, what is the best way for people to find you?

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Probably LinkedIn would be the best way. Just look me up, Lemon Bergmann Gross, you'll find me.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Okay. I'll make sure to have your link in the show notes. Thank you again.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

High-performing introverts with leadership ambition don't lack competence. What many of them lack is a psychologically safe and sustainable pathway to visibility and leadership. If you're successful on paper, but still feel unseen, overextended, or quietly stuck at the same level despite everything you've achieved, the scene executive calibration was designed for you. It helps identify the deeper patterns that may be affecting how you communicate, advocate for yourself, lead, and show up professionally. You'll find the link in the show notes!